老爸，我们走吧。 马上，马上，崽 Papa, let's go! We're going, we're going, son.
老爸！ 好了，好了！马上走 Papa! Yes, yes! We're going.
老爸，快走啦! 崽别急，等爸爸聊几句 Papa, let's go! Son, please. Papa is trying to talk.
跟我说说这车有什么特点 Tell me about the car features.
没问题，我会详细介绍的 When your kid calms down...
但你先要让你崽安静下来 ...I'll explain everything.
吉尔先生 Mr. Gill!
老爸，走吧 Papa, let's go.
孩子，这车给你，到旁边玩去 Son, this car is for you. Go, play with it.
吉尔先生 Mr. Gill.
我是瓦伦巴特拉，首席执行官 Varun Batra, CEO.
我从办公室瞅见你了 I spotted you from my office.
而且我对你崽不喜欢这辆车并不感到意外 And I'm not surprised your son doesn't like this car.
连我都觉得这辆车不适合你们家 Even I think this car is not suitable for your family.
你回去吧，阿卡什 Go home, Akash.
请允许我介绍一辆合适的车给你，来吧 Allow me to show you the right car. Come.
大众途观 The Volkswagen Tiguan.
从各角度看都很完美的车 A car that oozes perfection from every angle.
我就不赘述它所有牛逼的特点了 I won't bore you with describing all its amazing features.
当然啦，这个全景天窗... But yes, the sunroof...
...还可以选择驾驶模式，这就是一辆运动SUV ...and drive-mode selector makes this a sporty SUV.
是你自驾之旅的最佳拍档 A perfect combination for your family's journey.
给客户推荐车并不是我的职责，但是我一看到你... It's not my job to advise customers but I took one look at you...
我脑中只有这一种想法--这辆车绝对是你的绝配 ...and, honestly, I can't see you behind the wheel of any other car.
你可以看一看 You can have a look.
老爸！我们快回家吧 Papa! Let's go home.
我不想要这辆车，老爸！ I don't want that car, Papa!
就等一会，宝贝。 老爸，我想回家！ One second, sonny. Papa, I wanna go home!
对不起，我儿子生气了。我等下再回来 Sorry. My son's upset. I'll come back later.
先生你... Sir...
瓦伦，你也回去吧 Varun, you go home too.
你需要喝一杯 You need a drink.
来，兄弟，干杯 Come on, guys. Cheers!
这是我职业生涯中第一次被一个小鬼搞砸了生意 First time in my career, a one-foot nothing ruined a deal.
“别想太多了” "Don't want it."
怎么会有人害怕老婆或孩子呢？ How can anyone be scared of a wife or a kid?
迪普的电话。 嗨，迪普 Deepu's on the line. Hello, Deepu!
“怎么会有人害怕老婆或孩子呢？”这就是一个活生生的例子！ "How can anyone be scared of a wife or a kid?" The proof!
怎么了，迪普？ 你在哪，瓦伦？ Yes, Deepu? Where are you, Varun?
在展厅。 亲爱的，今天实在太忙了 At the showroom. Darling, it's a very, very busy day.
今天是啥日子？ What's the date today?
我的周年纪念日是什么时候？ 十月 When's our anniversary? October.
迪普的生日呢？ And Deepu's birthday?
她是你老婆！我们怎么会知道？ She's your wife! How should we know?
亲爱的，对不起，刚刚是一个顾客在说话 Darling, sorry, that was a customer.
今天是1月12日，怎么了？ Today's the 12th of January. Why?
12号有什么特殊的吗？ What's special about the 12th?
1月12日？ The 12th of January?
我的排卵期，瓦伦。 I'm ovulating, Varun.
我贴了张便条在柜子上提醒你 I stuck a note on your cupboard to remind you.
上面清楚的写着： It clearly said:
“1月12日，我们要生猴子” "On 12th January, we're trying for a child."
亲爱的，我工作太忙了，有很多车要交付 Darling, I have so much work. So many deliveries.
准备好发票。 是，先生 Get the invoice ready. Yes, sir.
你为毛不让你的顾客给你一个孩子？ Why don't you ask your customers to give you a baby?
让他们帮你接生 Let them do the delivering.
听好了，瓦伦 Listen carefully, Varun.
如果你希望孩子长的像你，那就半小时之内出现在老娘面前 If you want this baby to look like you, be home in half an hour.
你这是啥意思啊？迪普！ What do you mean by that? Deepu!
她说啥？ What did she say?
她有点...反应过度 She's ov...overreacting.
这是你的车钥匙？就停在外面 Is your helicopter here? Parked right outside!
我先走了，再见 See you later. Bye.
你穿成这样干啥？ Where are all your clothes?
我要出恭 I gotta poop.
你一直在喝酒 You've been drinking.
抽烟 And smoking.
我朋友坚持要喝，所以我喝了杯沙士 My friends insisted, so I had one root beer.
骗子！你跟你的朋友在喝酒 Liar! You were drinking with your pals.
你知道我们明天要去德里 You know we're going to Delhi tomorrow.
今天对我们来说是非常重要的日子 Today's an important day for us.
你怎么能这么不负责任？ How can you be so irresponsible?
难道我要一直提醒你，酒精和烟草会伤害精子吗？ Must I keep reminding you? Drinking and smoking damages sperm.
我就喝了一口 I had one drag.
如果就一口也会减少我的精子数量，那就是我的耻辱！ If one drag can weaken my sperm count, then shame on it!
重点不是精子，重点是你的承诺 This isn't about sperm, it's about your promise.
你以为我就不想和朋友们出去喝酒吗？ Don't I want to go out drinking with my friends?
只是我知道什么更重要。成熟点 But I know what's important. Show some maturity.
哦是吗？ Look who's talking!
记得医生的建议吗？“保证有足够的睡眠” Remember the doctor's advice? "Make sure you get plenty of sleep."
是谁凌晨3点还在看《宝宝的一天》 And who was watching "Baby's Day Out" till 3am?
你可真够成熟的！ So mature of you!
里沙说多看可爱宝宝的照片可以让人心情愉悦 Richa said seeing images of cute kids puts one in a good mood.
好心情意味着会有一个健康的孩子 And a good mood means healthy kids.
我无语 I can't believe it.
你是一个名记，里沙是一个顶级律师 You're a leading journalist and Richa's a top lawyer.
你俩就聊这玩意？ Is this what you two talk about?
干得漂亮，你继续看宝宝吧，没准真能让你怀孕 Great! Keep staring at cute kids. Maybe that'll get you pregnant.
你不想要孩子吗？ 我当然想要 Don't you want children? Of course I do.
但是不要把卧室搞得像战场 But not if it turns the bedroom into a battlefield.
想想我身上的压力 Think of the pressure on me.
我连打游戏都没赢过。你怎么能指望我在床上得分？ I don't even win video games. How do you expect me to score in bed?
还不去出恭？
屎在我肚子里，出不出关你啥事？ It's my poop. Poop or not poop, what's it to you?
对不起，我只是太想要一个孩子了 I'm sorry. I want a kid so badly.
我施加了太多压力给你 I've been pressuring you too much.
对不起宝贝 I'm sorry, baby.
我也有错 I'm sorry too.
同志，我们又要开始战斗？ Here we go to battle again, Comrades!
你准备登月？ Planning a moon jump?
这能增加我的怀孕几率 This boosts my chances of conceiving.
我看你失去理智的可能性更大 Chances of you losing your mind are far greater.
我还在生你的气 I'm still mad at you.
你怎么能骗我跑去跟朋友喝酒，瓦伦？ How could you lie to me and go boozing with your friends, Varun?
你刚刚道过歉了，咋又开始了？ You just apologized. Why stir it up again?
你必须向我道歉 You should say sorry to me.
我刚刚其实是假装道歉，骗你的，跟你骗我一样 I faked it because you were play-acting.
我只是不想浪费今天这个机会 I can't waste my precious fertile days.
你的意思是... You mean...
你刚刚不是真心道歉？ ...you weren't really sorry?
你太恶心了！ You're disgusting!
我们先吃晚饭，然后我们再来一次 Let's have dinner. Then we'll do it again.
再来一次？ Do it again?
再来一次啥？我们刚刚干啥了？ Do what again? What we just did.
你都不怜悯我一下？ Have you no pity on me?
我已经心力交瘁了。没看我刚刚才抽完事后烟吗 My insides are drained. I'm just blowing smoke rings.
我不干。没门 I can't do it. No chance.
不。不行 No. Can't be done.
瓦伦...我... Varun... I...
我受够了 I've had it.
谢谢 Thank you.
我很抱歉一直强迫你，但是这真的很重要 I'm sorry to keep forcing you, but it's so important.
这次我有好的预感，我能感觉到它 This time I've got really positive vibes. I can feel it.
迪普，请把你的腿放下去 Deepu, put your legs down, please.
别用你的瑜伽姿势了，没用的 Don't try your yoga poses. No point.
为什么？ Why?
啥都不会发生 Nothing happened.
我刚刚是假装高潮 I was just faking it.
我只是模拟喘息声，仅此而起 I made the right noises, that's all.
你说啥？ What?
老爷们的高潮也能装？ You guys can fake it too?
这又不是什么很难的事 It's not rocket science.
我们只需要装个很爽的表情，发出点呻吟声 All we do is make weird faces and grunt.
你怎么能这么做？ 为啥不行？迪普！ This is wrong. Unfair. Deepu!
我射不出了 I can't do it.
如果再射，我会得疝气的 If I try any harder, I'll end up with a hernia.
现在咋搞？你想喝水？ What now? You're drinking water?
你这是干啥，迪普？迪普！ What are you doing, Deepu? Deepu!
我上哪睡去？ 滚去沙发 Where do I sleep? On the sofa.
先生，如果我们再慢一点，我们就要改签了 , if we go any slower, we'll be rolling backwards.
请快点 Faster, please.
我们要错过航班了 We're gonna miss our flight.
你咋了？ What's come over you?
两年前，生孩子这事让你恐惧，但现在… The idea of kids scared you two years ago and now...
那时是因为你说以事业为重 Your career was top priority then.
难道我就不行？不可理喻 Can't I want something too? Unbelievable.
我将暂停工作，专心造猴子 I'll be the one delivering, putting my career on hold.
真不敢相信 Can't believe it.
我们清晨刚做了一次 You were at it again at dawn.
连茶，咖啡或者早餐都没空吃 No tea, coffee or breakfast.
“宝贝，我们再试一次” "Baby, let's try again."
如果这次能怀上，我们就告诉我们的宝贝 If you get pregnant this time, we'll tell the baby:
“你爸爸在造你的时候，正饿着肚子呢” "Papa created you on an empty stomach."
我正在排卵期，瓦伦 I'm ovulating, Varun.
今晚在德里妈妈家有个派对，别不讲理 There's a party at our Delhi home this evening. Be reasonable.
我们赶飞机，妈妈24小时不停地打电话给我们 We have a flight to catch and Mummy keeps calling 24/7.
她还不停的发短信。一定要今天吗？ She won't stop texting either. Does it have to be today?
喔，对不起 Oh! I'm sorry.
难道我要跟我的卵巢说，喂，有家族聚会的时候别排卵 I'll tell my ovaries not to release any eggs when there's a family do.
不是可以随时排卵吗？我需要这么拼？ They can release eggs any time, but must I slog?
先生，我想插个嘴 Sir, sorry to interrupt.
女性排卵期一般在经期的前14天 Ovulation takes place about 14 days before the expected date.
女性只有在那时候可以怀孕 Females can conceive only then.
但是我们男人... But we men...
可以每天都创造上亿精子 ...can produce millions of sperm every day.
所以在正确的日子啪啪啪是很重要的 So it's important to try on the right date.
我懂这方面。这是我的孩子... I should know. My kids...
蒂亚和雅丽安 Tia and Aryan.
继续用优步吧！他们的司机竟然还有医师经验 Keep using Uber! Looks like their drivers are qualified doctors.
女士们先生们，可以解开安全带了 Ladies and gentlemen, you may now unfasten your seat belts.
现在可以使用洗手间和电子设备 You may now use the washroom and your electronic devices.
让我帮你。不用 Let me help you. It's fine.
不好意思，你能帮下我吗？ 当然 Excuse me? Could you help me? Sure.
棕色那个 The brown one.
谢谢 Thank you.
很抱歉，我忍不住想问一下 I'm really sorry, but I have to ask.
你是不是在负责“60毫米娱乐杂志”的专栏？ Don't you write a column in "Entertainment Magazine 60mm?"
迪普巴特拉？ Deepti Batra?
是的 Yeah.
我以为没人会看我的专栏。 不，完全没那回事 I thought only I read my columns. No, not at all.
每次看你的专栏，我都感谢上帝没有让我成为一个文盲 Every time I read your column, I thank God I'm not illiterate.
可以跟你自拍一个吗？ Do you mind a selfie?
当然。 谢谢 Sure. Thanks.
对不起，你能别抢镜吗？ Excuse me. You're photobombing us.
谢谢 Thanks.
谢谢 Thank you.
我的ins有东西可发了 My Insta's gonna go off the hook!
喂，你想换个位置吗？ 不，谢谢 Excuse me. Could you sit over here? No, we're fine, thank you.
她是我老婆 She's my wife.
坐吧坐吧 Sit here then.
嘿，你这是在干啥？ Excuse me. What are you doing?
我想她正在生气 I think madam is angry.
这很常见 It happens.
也许你没法给她想要的东西 Maybe she asked you for something you couldn't give her.
需要我帮你不？ May I be of any help?
发自拍去 Stick to selfies.
你是对的 You were right.
亲戚都在身边，我们在德里是没有机会啪啪啪的 We won't get a chance in Delhi with our relatives around.
我们唯一的机会就是飞机降落前 Our only chance is to do what we have to before we land.
我老婆正在排卵期 My wife is ovulating.
咋了，迪普？ What's wrong, Deepu?
现在我理解一个板球队... Now I know how a cricket team feels...
空手回家的感觉了 ...when they return home without a trophy.
啥意思 Meaning?
我们这次回来又没带来任何好消息 We're seeing your parents again without any "good news."
我父母知道你是跟Virat Kohli（印度板球国家队队长）一样出色的击球手 My parents know you're the ace batsman Virat Kohli.
总有一天你会带着奖杯回家 One day you'll bring the trophy home.
Virat Kohli的队伍有10个人，而我只有你 Virat Kohli has a team of ten, all I have is you.
我正在努力。旅途怎样？ I'm trying. What about the flight...?
我们来了！ 妈妈！ Here comes the Mumbai family! Mama!
欢迎欢迎 Welcome, welcome!
上帝保佑你获得一个健康的孩子 God bless you with a healthy child.
爸爸在哪？ 他去为洛西节买花生了 Where's Papa? Buying peanuts for Lohri.
你们先休息，我们下午5点出发 You two must rest now. We'll leave at 5pm.
孩子，你的鸡鸡突出咋样了？ Son, how's your slip-dicks?
是椎间盘突出，妈妈 It's "slipped disc." Ma!
这是椎间盘 This is a disc.
哦，你的背痛呢？ 没问题 OK! Your backache. It's fine.
你这是去哪？ 美容院 Where are you going? To the beauty parlor.
我们5点出发。 别迟到，待会见。 We'll be ready by 5. Don't be late. See you.
我哥哥来了 My brother is here.
感谢光临。 很高兴在这见到你 Thank you for coming. I'm so glad you're here.
你瘦了很多啊。告诉我一些减肥技巧吧 You've lost so much weight. Give me some dieting tips.
现在需要增肥，而不是减肥 It's time to gain weight, not lose it.
为什么要向孩子们解释呢?他们从来不听 Why explain it to the children? They never listen.
你怎么这么瘦？ 我一直在锻炼，妈妈 Why are you so skinny? I've been working out, Mom.
看，多可爱的孩子！ Look, what a cute kid!
你为什么叫他“胡里瑞姆（印地语全世界之意）” Why did you call him "Holaram?"
奶奶坚持叫这个 Granny insisted on the name.
爷爷的名字是瑞姆 Grandpa's name was Ram...
...我们的孩子在胡里节（洒红节）出生 ...and our son was born on Holi.
所以她叫他胡里瑞姆（胡里节的瑞姆） So she named him "Holaram."
还好他不是在洛西节出生的，否则他就要叫花生了 Good job he wasn't born on Lohri, he'd be called a peanut!
你在胡说什么？ 我不是故意的 Why must you put your foot in it? I didn't do it deliberately.
我都没意识到说错话了 I didn't even realize it.
过来 Come.
跟大家道歉 Now say sorry to everyone.
对不起，对不起，各位 Sorry. Sorry, everyone.
别介意 Never mind!
我想在胡里瑞姆上学前给他换名字... I'm changing Holaram's name before he starts school...
得赶在他换掉父母之前... ...before he changes his parents.
恭喜！ Congratulations!
恭喜胡拉的第一个洛里节 Congratulations on Hole's first Lohri.
给你的礼物 A gift for you.
是“胡里”不是“胡拉” It's "Hola" and not "Hole".
好像两个名字都差不多。上帝呀! As if either name made any sense. By God!
那是你在孟买的嫂子？ Is that your Mumbai sister-in-law?
我去打个招呼 I'll say a quick hello.
你好！你认识我吗？ Hello! Do you recognize me?
当然 Yes, of course.
你看起来真漂亮。你老公呢？ You're looking gorgeous. Where's your husband?
他在吧台那边 He's actually at the bar.
你们结婚多久了？ 七年 How long have you been married? Seven years.
七年？孩子呢？ Seven years? Children?
实际上我们都在忙于工作，所以... Actually, I'm really busy with my job, so...
那只是个借口 That's just an excuse.
你现在正是应该生孩子的年纪，要让长辈开心 You're at the right age to have kids, make the in-laws happy.
他们肯定很希望有个孙子辈一起玩 So they'll have a little toy to play with!
是的，当然，婶婶 Yes, of course, aunty.
来一杯？ 好的！ Glass of wine? Yeah!
待会见。 没问题 See you later. No problem.
放松，嫂子。别理这些愚蠢的大婶 Relax, sister-in-law. Ignore these silly aunties.
迪普你还好吗？ 我还没有孩子！ How are you, Deepu? I don't have kids!
呃，我是来跟你说洛里节快乐的 I came to wish you Happy Lohri.
对不起，婶婶。洛里节快乐！ Sorry, aunty. Happy Lohri!
洛里节快乐，婶婶。 洛里节快乐，祝福你 Happy Lohri, aunty. Happy Lohri. Bless you.
我早说了，别在意他们 As I was saying, don't pay attention to them.
如果... Tell you what...
你有怀孕的困扰，我有个主意 ...if you're having trouble conceiving, I have an idea.
我认识一个牛逼的大师 I know this amazing healer.
他只要看你一下，你的问题就解决了 He just has to take one look at you and your work is done.
需要我跟他说一声吗？ Shall I talk to him?
婶婶！妈妈在找你。 Aunty! Mom's looking for you.
她打你三次电话了。她在那边等你 She phoned you three times. She's over there, waiting.
我最好过去她那边 I'd better go to her.
考虑一下吧 Think it over.
我发誓！如果我再听到有人跟我说“宝宝”这个词，我就一拳呼到那人脸上去 I swear! If I hear the word "baby" again, I'll punch someone in the face.
女士，你想要一个宝宝..？ 不，我不想要什么宝宝 Ma'am, you want a baby...? No, I don't want...
咋了？ What happened?
他是问你要不要“玉米笋”。 He meant "baby corn".
我知道，但是... I know, but...
孩子，对不起 We're sorry, baby.
女孩们，男孩们，准备起舞了 Girls and boys, get ready to dance the bhangra
让我们彻夜起舞吧 We'll dance all night
它是如何挑逗我的啊 How it teases me
带走我的呼吸 Takes my breath away
你那飞舞的红色裙摆 Your red flowing skirt
让我辗转难眠 It robs me of sleep
甜心啊，你那飞舞的红色裙摆 Sweetheart, your red flowing skirt
我雪白的肌肤，深色的眼影 My fair skin, dark kohl in my eyes
你等着我，我不会一无所获 You keep waiting for me, I won't be vain
众人随你而舞。 你的心热情如火 When you dance, everyone dances .You set hearts on fire
没人能抗拒你舞动的臀 No one is safe when you sway your hips
让我们燥起来！ Let's get crazy!
它如何调挑逗你啊 How it teases you
如何偷走你的心 How it steals your heart
我那飞舞的红色裙摆 My red flowing skirt
今夜我无法入眠 I can't sleep at nights
我那飞舞的红色裙摆 My red flowing skirt
甜心啊，你那飞舞的红色裙摆 Sweetheart, your red flowing skirt
胡里真是一个讨人喜爱的孩子 Hola is such a cutie!
我告诉过你，我怀孕时只看儿童频道 I told you, I only watch kiddy TV when I'm pregnant.
他就是成果！ He's the result!
维维克爸妈看什么？动物星球？ What Channel did Vivek's parents watch? Animal Planet?
闭嘴吧你！ Keep your trap shut, please!
我们请你们来是商量一些重要的事 We called you here to discuss something important.
费力不讨好的事吧 No prizes for what that is.
就像我们尝试生猴子 We're trying to have kids.
而他就像是在帮我做事一样 But he makes me feel like he's doing me a big favor.
别抱怨了。 放松，兄弟，我们是家人 Don't start that again. Relax, brother. We're family.
如果你们不跟我们倾诉，那还能跟谁呢？ If you can't talk to us, then who can you talk to?
迪普是对的，继续努力吧 Deepu is right. Keep trying.
我们原来一天三次啪啪啪。你问问他！我们尝试了各种体位： We were at it three times a day. Ask him! We tried every position:
什么传教士式，侧进式，后入式还有...都试了 Missionary, spooning, dog and... That'll do.
打住打住，我们不想听细节 Spare us the details.
坦率的说，我对这个主题已经厌倦了 Frankly, I'm sick and tired of this subject.
有时我会困惑。我们是否真的很想要小孩... Sometimes I get confused. Do we really want kids...
...或者只是社会压力迫使我们想要小孩 ...or is it because society wants us to have them?
脸书和推特上到处都是晒崽的照片 Facebook and Twitter are full of images of celebrity kids.
如果以后你们也晒，千万别让我们看到 If you have kids, keep them out of sight.
别让我们眼红。不许嘚瑟 Stop making us jealous. Don't show off.
等你们老了怎么办？ What about old age?
孩子会负责为我们养老 Our children will take care of our needs.
大家都是这么说的 That's what they all say.
别想太多了，我们不可能生个亿万富翁出来的 But we're not gonna produce the next billionaire!
我们的孩子会有一个搞笑的小名。我们变老了还要帮他擦鼻涕 We'll have kids with funny pet names. We'll turn grey wiping his nose.
亲戚来的看他的时候会说：“他太可爱了！” And when relatives come over and say, "So sweet!"
当他拉屎在自己裤子里 He'll poop his pants.
亲戚会把他递还给我们，说：“去把他弄干净再拿回来” They'll hand him back to us saying: "Clean him up and bring him back."
接着他们又开始咯咯的逗孩子玩 Then they'll make gurgling sounds at the kid.
我们喂他，然后他又会濑屎 We feed him, he'll poop again.
我们再喂他，然后他再濑屎 We feed him, he'll poop again.
再来一瓶？ 等我喝完这瓶先 Another beer? Let me finish this one.
谁是乔希医生？你为啥给我他的电话？ Who is Dr. Joshi? Why are you texting me his number?
他是孟买顶级的不孕不育专家 He's Mumbai's top fertility specialist.
去见见他不会有什么损失的 No harm in seeing him once.
我不想去 I don't want to see him.
我不想去见一个性学家。门都没有 I don't want to see a sexologist. No chance.
瓦伦，你这是活在哪个时代？ Varun, which century do you live in?
别急，嫂子。 瓦伦，记得谢丽吗？ Just a minute, sister-in-law. Varun, remember Cherry?
安奴婶婶的女儿？ Aunt Anu's daughter?
她和她老公努力了五年 She and her husband tried for five years.
五年啊 Five long years.
最后他们想去找乔希医生帮忙 Finally, they went to Mumbai and met Dr Joshi.
一年后你猜怎么着？ And a year later, guess what?
嘿，她有了两个健康的孩子 She had two healthy kids.
6个月就生一个？ One kid every six months?
我靠，你咋这么蠢！是双胞胎！ Hell, no, idiot! Twins.
那你说清楚点撒. 他们生了双胞胎。 Be more precise. They had twins.
看医生不是什么丢人的事 There's no shame in meeting the doctor.
乔希医生在这方面是最屌的，哥 Dr Joshi's the best, brother.
去会会他吧 Just go and see him.
好吧，我们会去的 OK, we'll see him.
现在开心了？ Happy now?
非常感谢 Much obliged.
已经没什么能让她开心的了 Nothing makes her happy.
为什么试管婴儿都是白皮肤的？ Why are test tube babies only white?
难道这个医生不生产印度婴儿的吗？ Doesn't the doctor do Indian babies?
是帕特拉夫妇吗？乔希医生要见你们 Mr and Mrs Patra? Dr Joshi will see you now.
是巴特拉夫妇 It's Mr and Mrs Batra.
对不起，我搞错了 I'm sorry, my bad.
谢谢你，傻西 Thank you, Puzie.
是苏西 It's "Suzie."
对不起，我也搞错了 Sorry. My bad.
你好 Hello.
巴特拉先生女士，请坐 Please have a seat, Mr and Mrs Batra.
我看了你的报告 I've read your reports.
跟我说说 Tell me something.
你们的关系咋样？ How are your relations with your wife?
我们正在吵架，但总的来说感情还不错 We're fighting now, but we're good.
他的意思是“关系” He means "relations".
你是指我们的性生活？是的，频繁吗？ You mean our sex life? Yes. Frequency?
- 16. - 2.
这是多久？ How often?
每周。 每个月 Every week. Every month.
你应该很清楚... I'm sure you know there's a big difference between...
...一周16次和一个月两次是有天壤之别的 ...sixteen times a week and twice a month.
总之，这份报告显示你的状态并不好 Anyway, the reports are not that great.
你卵子数量正在快速减少 Your egg count is rapidly decreasing.
这是啥意思？ What does that mean?
无论采取什么行动，我们都要尽快 Whatever we do, we need to act fast.
医生，那我咋样呢？ Doctor, is everything OK with me?
这么说吧，你只剩下为数不多的游泳健将了 Well, let's just say you have a few good swimmers left.
游泳健将？哦，精子？ 是的 Swimmers? Oh! Sperm? Yes.
现在仔细听我说 Now listen to me carefully.
你有游泳健将 You have strong swimmers.
但是它们一进入她的领域就会变得晕倒 But they faint the minute they enter her universe.
晕倒？为啥？ Faint? Why?
别担心，这种情况在你这种年龄很普遍 Don't worry. It's very common at your age.
现在仔细听我说 Now listen to me carefully.
我们需要做的是让迪普的卵子和你的游泳健将... What we'll do is - we'll take Deepti's eggs and your swimmers...
在我们的实验室受精 ...and fertilize them in our lab.
印度最牛逼的实验室之一 One of the finest labs in India.
当然 Sure.
当胚胎成型后，我们将会把它放进你的体内 And when the embryo is formed, we'll put it into your body.
这个过程叫体外受精 This process is called "In vitro fertilization."
体外受精 IVF.
太棒了，让我们开始吧 Perfect, let's do it.
医生，这个过程需要我暂停上班吗？ Doctor, during the process, will I need to take time off work?
如果你们两个人很在意要孩子的话... If you two are serious about wanting a child then...
我会建议你把工作放一放。专心在怀孕这件事上 ...I'd suggest you put your work on hold. Focus on getting pregnant.
但我能工作对吧？ But I can work, can't I?
我能去上班对吧？ 啥？ I can go? What?
当然，巴特拉先生，你可以继续工作 Of course Mr Batra, you can work.
太好了 Good.
请先看一下这个，我马上回来 Please have a look at this and I'll see you in a minute.
你有病啊？ What's wrong with you?
咋了？我做错啥了？ Wrong with me? What's wrong with him?
他是个怪人！宰我们一大笔钱... Weirdo! Charging us a fortune...
...而且搞得好像他将用魔法为我们从天堂召唤一个宝宝 ...and making out like he'll conjure up a baby for us from heaven.
我们是合法结婚的。为什么他不直接用“性”这个词 We're legally married. Why was he embarrassed to use the word "sex"?
关系！他应该也跟他的老婆用这个词 Relations! He must talk to his wife like that.
“亲爱的，让我们今晚发生‘关系’” "Darling, let's have 'relations' tonight."
给我闭嘴！ Just shut up!
你在说什么鬼话？一周16次！ What was that nonsense? 16 times a week!
除了我以外，你上哪弄了那14次? Where was I the other 14 times?
我感到紧张 I got nervous.
以前医生都是问我哪里受伤了。但他却问我关系怎样 I'm used to doctors asking where I hurt. But he asked me about my relations.
这不是我每天要讨论的东西 Not something I discuss every day.
瓦伦，别气我 Varun, stop annoying me.
他是一个好医生。 看看他，一个非常好的医生 He's a very good doctor. Look at him. A very good doctor.
请过来 Please come.
走，我们过去 Come on, let's go.
这个实验室有1万2千英尺。他们肯定是在这里印钱 This lab is 12,000 sq. ft. They must be minting money here.
这里是我们创造生命的地方 So this is where we create life.
哇！ Wow!
全都是新机器。绝对全新 All new machines. Absolutely fresh!
医生，她是谁？ Doctor, who's she?
她是我老婆，乔希医生 She is my wife, Dr Joshi.
哦，好的 Oh, OK.
为什么？ Why?
没啥，只是... Nothing, just...
我能问些问题吗，医生？ May I ask something, doctor?
如果我的卵子不能受精怎么办？ What if my eggs don't fertilize?
那我们可以使用供卵 Then we can use donor eggs.
啥意思？ Meaning?
我们可以使用年轻女性的卵子，然后用你的精子受精 We can use the eggs of a young lady and fertilize them with your sperm.
然后把受精卵植入迪普的体内 Then plant them in Deepti.
你们真牛逼。好 You guys are really stubborn. Good.
让夫妻成为父母是一门艺术 Turning couples into parents is an art.
你真相信那些年事已高的名人... Do you really believe these celebs who become parents in old age...
...能靠自己生孩子吗? 没错没错 ...use their stardom to have kids? True.
但是直接收养一个不是更容易吗？ But isn't it easier just to adopt?
那么你为什么不这样做呢？ Then why didn't you?
对遗传基因的痴迷由来已久 The obsession of carrying forward one's genes is an old deep-rooted one.
请过来 Please come.
问些什么，表现出你的兴趣来 Ask something. Take some interest.
医生，我有个问题 Doctor, I have a question.
我刚刚在想，我们的医学现在如此发达 I was just thinking, we're so medically advanced now...
...是否有办法让一个男人怀孕？ ...is there a way for a man to get pregnant?
当然 Of course.
实际上在2017年，英国有个男的生了一个健康的女婴 In fact, in 2017, a man in the UK gave birth to a healthy baby girl.
不过那个男人之前是女的 The man was a woman first.
她的卵巢和生殖器被摘除了 Her ovaries and private parts had been removed.
明白了！不用说细节了。太神奇了，谢谢你 Got it! Spare us the details. That's amazing. Thank you.
护士将向你们解释所有东西 The nurse will explain everything to you.
你将接受荷尔蒙注射直到下一个月经周期 You'll be administered hormone injections till your next cycle.
你可能有很大的情绪波动 You may have major mood swings.
让我提醒你 Let me warn you.
这个过程让人身心俱疲 The process is draining, emotionally and financially.
所以准备好吧 So be prepared.
巴特拉先生，你能给我们一份精液样本吗？ Mr Batra, can you give us a semen sample?
迪普，下个经期的第二天见 And Deepti, I'll see you on day two of your next cycle.
这是你的。谢谢 This is yours. Thank you.
没问题。 谢谢 All the best. Thank you.
鲍比，我下注1万3千5百卢比 Bobby, bet 13,500 rupees for me.
都押印度。好的 All on India. OK
妈的！太不专业了！ Sh**! Amateurs!
跑起来啊，来啊 Call for a run! Come on!
我的比赛哪去了？ Where's my match gone?
为什么？ Why?
你今天要提供你的样本。你不能有压力。 You're giving your sample today. You can't be stressed.
你知道压力会影响精子 You know how stress upsets sperm.
你是不是太超过了?拜托，这是半决赛。 Aren't you overdoing it? Please, it's the semi-finals.
我的精子也想看。不要惹恼它们 My sperm want to watch too. Don't upset them.
如果它们不爽了，我们就永远别想有孩子 If they get upset, we'll never have children.
你觉得这很幽默？瓦伦 You find this funny, Varun?
别说废话了。快去，先干这个！ Stop talking rubbish. Go! Do it properly.
先？ Properly?
喂我点蜂蜜，祈祷好运。 这不是考试。 Feed me some honey for good luck! This is not an exam.
我太紧张了。等下会发生什么？ I'm so tense as it is. What'll happen there?
快去，瓦伦 Please go, Varun.
另一个柱门倒了（板球击球手出局条件） Another wicket down.
瓦伦？ 马上去！ Varun? Going!
快去！ Going!
我会在手机上看比赛。你能拿我怎么着？ I'll watch on the phone. Do as you please.
我的球队正在输掉比赛 My team's losing.
打扰了。有什么事先生？ Excuse me. Yes, sir?
我有一个预约。 I have an appointment.
预约什么，先生？ For what, sir?
样品 Sample.
对不起，先生，我不明白 Sorry, sir?
在你的系统里查查我的名字 Check my name in your system.
你的名字是？ Your name?
瓦伦巴特拉 Varun Batra.
你来提交精子 You're here to give a semen sample.
不要不好意思。他们来这里都是为了这事 Don't be embarrassed. They're all here for the same reason.
这是你的瓶子 Here's your bottle.
请在等候区就坐 Sit in the waiting area.
你能把它放进塑料袋里吗？ Could you put it in a plastic bag?
先生，塑料是禁止的 Sir, plastic is banned.
所以这是金属的？ So is this made of metal?
彭德卡先生，请过来 Mr Pendekar, please come.
现在仔细听我说。如果你想把为人父母的梦想... Now listen to me carefully. If you want to entrust your dreams of parenthood...
...托付给可靠的人，那就立即来我们这里 ...to safe hands, then don't hesitate coming to us.
看这上面的钟 Look at the clock above your head.
你会知道我们已经为这个世界带来了多少健康的孩子 You'll know how many healthy kids we've brought into this world.
我们能向你保证一件事... We can guarantee you one thing...
好消息！ Good news!
请帮个忙 Please help.
巴特拉先生 Mr Batra!
请过来。你的超豪华房间已经准备好了 Please come. Your super-deluxe room is ready.
屌炸天啊，超豪华？ I say! Super-deluxe?
瓦伦，搞定了吗？ Varun, all done?
迪普，这太难了 Deepu, it's very tough.
就像一把枪顶着我的脑门，一个声音说：“赶紧撸！” It's like a gun is pointed at my head and a voice booming: "Do it now!"
这在生理上是不可能的 It's biologically impossible.
瓦伦，我现在没空听你说这个 Varun, I seriously can't do this right now.
我跟女明星卡特里娜还有个访谈 I have an interview with the star Katrina.
你竟然不关心我正在遭受的折磨 You don't care what I'm going through.
他们只给我一些杂志和DVD，然后让我开始撸。这是在搞笑吧！ They gave me magazines and DVDs to get me started. Seriously!
我还是青少年吗？ Am I a teenager?
宝贝，在你外婆的悼念仪式上... Baby, at your granny's memorial service...
当所有人都在哀悼的时候，你在干啥？ ...while everyone was mourning, what were we up to?
这不算什么 This is nothing.
别惹人烦了！赶紧撸 Stop agonizing! Just do it.
你能帮下我吗？ 向我说些淫词浪语 Can you help me? Talk dirty to me.
你是傻逼吗？别像个孩子 You nuts? Stop behaving like a kid!
那把电话给卡特里娜。 滚蛋！ Then give the phone to Katrina. Shut up! 529。1
我的游泳健将在路上了，希望你的卵子准备好了！
看来我们可以开始了 It seems we're all ready to go.
现在仔细听我说 Now listen to me carefully.
这是体外受精的最后一步。胚胎转移 This is the last stage of the IVF procedure. The embryo transfer.
非常重要的一步 The most delicate and critical procedure.
他们是实习生 They're interns.
他们不是应该有足够的经验吗？ 他们只是孩子 Shouldn't they be more experienced? They're just kids.
明白？ Understand?
先生，外内膜肿胀？这正常吗？ Sir, the swelling on the outer lining? Is it normal?
绝对正常。这可能是一种药物反应 Absolutely normal. It could be a reaction to the medication.
医生，请给我麻醉。我想失去意识 Doctor, please administer anesthesia. I want to be unconscious.
放松，巴特拉女士 Relax, Mrs Batra.
我们干这个有上千次了 I've done this a thousand times.
现在认真听我说。我希望你现在清除你负能量 Now listen to me carefully. I want you to shake off that negativity.
那会影响胚胎 It just upsets the embryo.
现在我会念点经 And now I'll say a little prayer.
仔细听 So listen carefully.
闭上眼。把你的正能量注入这个胚胎 Close your eyes. Let your positive energy flow into this embryo.
你也一样 You too.
你们两个不用，蠢货！ Not you two, idiots!
集中精神。 对不起 Focus your mind here. Sorry.
“啊，生命之母...” "O Mother of Life..."
医生，我需要跟着你念吗？ Doctor, should I repeat after you?
不，听着就好！ No, just listen!
“啊，生命之母。宇宙的生命之父” "O Mother of Life. O Father of the Universe.
“保佑我们... "Bless us...
“赐予我们一个孩子 "...with the gift of a child.
“赐予我们香火延续 "With the gift of generations.
“赐予爱的礼物” "With the gift of love."
恭喜！ Congratulations!
流程成功结束 The procedure has been successful.
我们将在14天内做一个怀孕检测 We'll do a pregnancy test in 14 days.
在那之前请好好照顾自己 Till then take extra care of yourself.
记住... Remember...
...对胚胎来说最大的敌人就是压力。所以不要有压力 ...the greatest enemy of an embryo is stress. So no stressing.
不要期望太高 Don't set your expectations too high.
接下来的14天是最艰难... The next 14 days are the most difficult and...
和关键的 ...crucial.
关键时刻 Crucial time.
所以要保持绝对的平和 So be absolutely calm.
谢谢 Thank you.
谈恋爱的感觉真好 It feels so good to fall in love
但我永远不会知道那是什么感觉 But how I fell I'll never know
我们接吻的方式，我们抚摸的方式 The way we kiss, the way we touch
我的内心永远不会知道 My heart will never know
我彻夜长谈 We kept talking as the evening turned to night
梦像闪烁的星星为我们编织着故事 Dreams like sparkling stars weaved a story for us
眼睛诉说着美好的文字 Eyes spoke innocent words
他们说了什么？我们听的如此入迷 What did they say? We listened mesmerized
风会把我们带去哪里？ Where is the wind carrying us?
我们是多么的不了解... How unaware we were...
...当我们的心拥抱彼此 ...when our hearts embraced each other
不知道它什么时候会发生的 Can't say when it happened
恋爱的感觉真好啊 It feels so good to fall in love
但是我永远不会知道那是什么感觉 But how I fell I'll never know
我们接吻的方式，我们抚摸的方式 The way we kiss, the way we touch
我的内心永远不会知道 My heart will never know
乔希医生的电话 Dr Joshi's on the line.
这才过了12天 It's been only 12 days.
你好？ Hello?
巴特拉夫妇，你俩能来医院做个小检查吗？ Mrs Batra, can you both come to the clinic for a minor check-up?
现在？ Right now?
说不行 Say no.
我们正在出差，明天行吗？ We're leaving for work. Tomorrow?
请马上过来。这是一个紧急检查 Please come straight away. It's an emergency check-up.
乔希医生也想跟你们谈谈。 Dr Joshi would also like a word.
紧急检查？ An emergency checkup?
我猜他们知道不应该让我们有压力 I guess they know we aren't stressed.
他们想见我们 So they want to see us.
我们能向你们保证一件事... We can guarantee you one thing...
好消息！ Good news!
明星艾丽娅的访谈有什么新闻吗？ 待会见。 What news on star Alia's interview? See you later.
这个广告会让我再三考虑要不要孩子 This commercial makes me think twice about having kids.
他们就不能在这里播放些靠谱的东西吗? Why can't they show something decent here?
例如什么？ “致命武器” Like? "Lethal Weapon."
这是一个儿童医院。 “宝宝的一天？” It's a hospital for children. "Baby's Day Out?"
别总是展示他怎么拿生孩子来赚钱 But don't show this. Look at him selling parenthood.
过来，过来，小心！ Keep coming, keep coming. Carefully!
小心！ Carefully!
你好，女士 Greetings, madam.
把它们放下 Put them down.
嘿，老兄！把它们放这 Hey, bro! Keep them here.
这些是什么，先生？ What's all this, sir?
礼物，女士 A gift, madam.
这里不是医院。这是上帝的家... This isn't a hospital. It's the house of God...
...造人的地方 ...where human beings are made.
你保佑着那些像我们一样不幸的夫妻 You bless unlucky couples like us.
先生，你真体贴。但是礼物是不允许的 That's very thoughtful of you, sir. But gifts aren't allowed.
不允许？ No gifts?
上帝的家不能收礼物？ 是的 No gifts in God's house? No.
你在搞笑吧 You're kidding me.
我买了昌迪加尔（印度北部城市）最棒的点心 I brought Chandigarh's sweetest delicacies.
这是为那些得到好消息的夫妇准备的 They're for couples blessed with good news. Give them a box...
我的一点心意 ...from me.
看这是啥？ What's this?
尿布。把这些也送出去 Diapers. Give these away too.
我会为这些可爱的小便便提供赞助 I'd like to sponsor those cute little poops.
这样宝宝们就可以随便拉了 So babies can let it flow free.
便便提醒了我。你们为什么打电话给我们？ Poop reminds me. Why did you call us?
事实上我很庆幸自己身体有问题 Actually, I feel blessed to have a medical problem.
要不然我哪有借口拜访上帝的家 It has given me a reason to visit God's house.
随便说一下，女士... By the way, ma'am...
...上帝写了这个药方，但是没人能读懂它 ...God wrote this prescription, but no one can read it.
给 Here you go.
只看药方的正面，忽略背面的内容 Just look at the prescription on the front. Ignore the back.
太棒了！上帝的笔记是一样的，不管正面还是反面 Amazing! God's handwriting is the same, back and front!
孩子已经来了！孩子在这呢 The baby has arrived! The baby's here.
孩子已经来了！ The baby has arrived!
她在12天内造了一个孩子 She's made a baby in 12 days.
不，不是我们的宝宝，是别人的。听到了吗？ No, not our baby. Someone else's. Hear that?
乔希医生让我看的。那个小可爱就在我眼前出生 Dr Joshi let me watch. The cutie was born in front of my eyes.
哦，圣母啊，也赐我一个可爱的女孩吧 O Mother Goddess, give us a cute baby girl too.
如果是个男孩，你也能给他穿连衣裙 If it's a boy, you can dress him in a frock.
其实无所谓，不管男孩女孩。只要是我们亲生的就行 Fine by us. Girl or boy. As long as it's our blood.
这就是他们传宗接代的借口? What excuse do they have extending their family line?
巴特拉夫妇 Mr and Mrs Batra.
诶. 是 Yeah. Yes.
你也是巴特拉？ 是的 You also Batras? Yeah.
天！我也是！ 喔！ Wow! We also! Wow!
所以你是叫哪个巴特拉？ So which Batras do you want?
你们全部 All four.
看来今天所有的巴特拉都会得到好消息 I think all the Batras will hear good news today.
巴特拉日到了！ 来 Batra Day coming up! Come.
先生...请过来 Sir... Please come.
你好 Hello.
请坐 Please sit.
瓦伦和迪普，请跟另一对巴特拉夫妇认识下吧 Varun and Deepti, please meet the other Batras.
我是哈尼巴特拉 Myself Honey Batra.
她是我亲爱的妻子，莫妮卡巴特拉 And she's my dear wife, Monika Batra.
这是我的名片 And here's my card.
你留着吧 You keep it.
医生，你叫我们来这里。有什么急事吗？ Doctor, you called us here. Is it urgent?
我本来应该在办公室的。是的，是的 I should be at the office. Yes, yes.
医生，您慢慢来。我们不急 Take your time, doctor. We're in no hurry.
对不起，先生 Sorry, sir.
我们开门见山吧 I'll get to the point.
我们遇到一个小问题 We have a small problem.
啥？ What problem?
问题是... Well, the problem is...
这不是第一次发生。之前在美国也发生过 It's not the first time. It has happened in the US before.
但我们来说是第一次 But it's the first time for us.
到底是什么啊，医生？ What is it, doctor?
呃，就是... Well, the thing is...
...精液搞混了 ...there has been a sperm mix-up.
啊？ What?
啥叫“精液搞混”了？ What do you mean "sperm mix-up?"
混合？水果混合饮料？ Mixer? Fruit mixer?
医生，请用印地语解释 Doctor, explain in Hindi.
你看哈尼先生，我们最有经验的胚胎学家... You see Mr Honey, our highly experienced embryologists...
...同时对两份精液进行操作 ...were processing two sets of semen at the same time.
因为你们的姓都是巴特拉... Since you share the same surname, Batra...
所以搞混了 ...there was a mix-up.
搞混？谁能告诉我会发生什么？ Mix-up? Will someone tell me what's going on?
你在搞笑吧？ You're kidding me?
你是说这个狒狒的精液进了我妻子的体内？ You mean my wife has this baboon's sperm inside her?
你说什么？别叫我狒狒 What? Don't call me a baboon.
我会怀谁的孩子？ Whose child am I having?
他他喵的在说啥？用印地语告诉我 What the hell is he saying? Explain in Hindi.
我来解释 I'll explain.
这个男人把我的精液... This man has put my sperm...
...放到了她的体内 ...into her.
你的精液去了这里 And your sperm went here.
我的意思是她的体内 I mean inside her.
你是说我们的种子搞混了？ You're saying our seeds got mixed up?
种子？ 我们的精子 Seeds? Our spam!
不能这样！精子可不像行李一样可以搞混 Impossible! Spam isn't like luggage you can mix up.
为你自己叫个医生吧！ 请文明点 Call yourself a doctor! Please be civil.
请文明点。 请冷静 Please be civil. Stay calm.
闭嘴，家伙！ Just shut up, guys!
我要起诉你。我会起诉你的 I'm going to sue you. I will sue you.
我将要起诉你，家伙。没关系 I'm going to sue you guys. That's nothing!
你不知道我的妹妹和妹夫是谁。他们是德里的顶级刑事律师 You don't know my sister and her husband. They're Delhi's top criminal lawyers.
我老婆是一个名记 My wife's a leading journalist.
谁在乎这些！我叔叔可是哈里亚纳邦首席部长的岳父 Who cares! My uncle is Haryana's CM's father-in-law.
我要让你们俩去监狱蹲15年 I'll get you both 15 years in jail.
最少15年 A minimum of 15 years.
请冷静 Calm down. Please.
这是闹剧吗？精子可不是给你混音的歌曲 Is this some joke? Spam is not a song you remix.
冷静 Calm down.
我们非常惭愧。这是我们的错误 We're very embarrassed. It's our fault.
我们的工作人员犯了一个愚蠢的错误。非常对不起 Our technicians made a blunder. I'm very sorry.
太对不起了。现在仔细听我说 So sorry. Now listen to me carefully.
你再说一次试试，老子要干死你！ Say that again and I'll punch you!
现在你听我说 Now you listen to me.
解决这个问题，立刻马上！ Fix this mess now! Right now!
把我的精子还给我，女士。医生，把我的种子还给我 Give me back my spam, madam. Doctor, give me back my seed.
不要有压力。你们俩将经历个小程序 No stress. You two will have to undergo a minor procedure.
不会有怀孕的机会 So there's no chance of implantation.
植入？为什么他不说印地语？ Plantation? Why doesn't he speak in Hindi?
请说印地语！ Hindi, please!
你的妻子没有怀孕 So your wives don't get pregnant.
没有怀孕的机会。万一她已经怀孕了怎么办？ There's no chance of pregnancy. What if she's already pregnant?
你就告诉我那时会发生什么？ Just tell me what happens then?
我们能终止怀孕 We can terminate.
那就像一粒沙子。一个小刮宫术就能搞定 It's like a grain of sand. A minor DNC will do it.
刮宫术？是西瓜宫殿魔术的缩写吗？ DNC? How's the "Delhi Noida Corporation" mixed up in this?
我们做一次人流 We go for an abortion.
人流？ Abortion?
你是大傻逼吗？ Are you bloody nuts?
巴特拉女士，你怀孕的几率很低 Mrs Batra, your chance of pregnancy are low.
因为你的卵巢衰老太多了。 喂，这是不对的！ Because your ovaries are way too old. Hey! That's not right.
我头都大了，我们先走吧。 My head's splitting! Let's just go.
迪普。我们走着瞧！ Deepti. You wait and watch.
你走错门了 That's the wrong door.
说的你好像搞对了植入对象一样！ As if you got the right woman!
莫妮... Moni...
我们能要求退款吗？ Can we get a refund?
怎样？ Yes?
阴性。 Negative.
那我就放心了 I'm so relieved.
迪普，让我们忘了这一切 Deepu, let's forget all this.
我们还是自然怀孕吧。 但是？ It's fine if we had children naturally. But?
我们拥有彼此还不够吗？ Aren't we good enough for each other?
为人父母是很充实的，但是约束也随之而来 Being a parent is fulfilling, but restrictions come with it.
我们不能随意计划旅行，因为我们不得不考虑目的地是否能买到婴儿食物 We can't plan a holiday without thinking where we can buy baby food.
担心寒暑假怎么办 Worry about school holidays.
我们现在能随时出发。订了机票就飞！ Now we can just take off. Books our tickets and fly!
你意识到自由是多么无价吗？ Do you realize freedom is priceless?
瓦伦，我不敢相信你会说这些。 Varun, I can't believe you're saying this.
晚安，瓦伦。 晚安 Goodnight, Varun. Goodnight.
不要关灯 Don't switch the light off.
用力 Push.
迪普，用力 Deepu, push.
用力！ Push!
喊穆萨（阿拉伯语里代表新生儿）！ Say Moosa!
放松 Just relax.
想一想峡谷，大山，默哈伯莱什（孟买南部的山区景点） Think of a valley, a mountain, Mahabaleshwar.
好，不要默哈伯莱什。用力！ OK, no Mahabaleshwar. Push!
很好，很好 That's good. Good.
出来了！ It's here!
兄弟你好啊！ Hello-ji!
咋了？你还好吗？ What's wrong? Are you OK?
迪普！ Deepu!
迪普，你还好吗？ Deepu, are you OK?
嗯，还好 Yeah, I'm OK.
我刚做了一个噩梦。现在我醒了，想透透气 I had a bad dream. Now that I'm awake, I'll go for a walk.
回去睡觉吧，亲爱的。 Go back to sleep, honey.
“亲爱的！” "Honey!"
右，左，上，下 Right, left. Up and down.
对，就像这样 Yes, like this.
尊巴是最酷的 Zumba's the coolest
年轻的女孩啊，在井里装满水 Young girl, filling water at the well
不要洗你娇嫩的脚 Don't wash your delicate feet
占城花已经盛放，做成你婚礼的花环 The champa flowers have blossomed, make your wedding garland
世界就像一层干面包皮。我的心是奶油味的印度薄饼 The world's a dry crust of bread. My heart's a buttery paratha
宝贝，选你所想。扭动你的臀 Baby, choose what you will. Sway your hips
和我一起起舞。秀出你的身材 Dance the bhangra with me. Shake your booty!
尊巴是最酷的 Zumba's the coolest
当王子跳尊巴舞时更酷 Even cooler when a Sardar wiggles the Zumba
今天我的舞步将撼动地球 My dancing feet will shake the earth today
年轻的女孩啊，在井里装满水 Young girl, filling water at the well
不要洗你娇嫩的脚 Don't wash your delicate feet
占城花已经盛放，做成你婚礼的花环 The champa flowers have blossomed, make your wedding garland
尊巴！ Zumba!
迈开腿 Move your feet
扭动你的臀 Sway your hips
羞愧就像胆固醇。把它从你的体内排出！ Shame's like cholesterol. Get it out of your system!
跟我一起来，秀出你的身材。为什么像一根柱子一样站着不动？ Come with me, shake your booty. Why stand frozen like a pillar?
如果我们都跳尊巴，你可以减肥，你会看上去更年轻！ You'll lose weight, you'll look younger if we all did the Zumba!
尊巴是最酷的 Zumba's the coolest
当王子跳尊巴舞时更酷 Even cooler when a Sardar wiggles the Zumba
尊巴是最酷的 Zumba's the coolest
当王子跳尊巴舞时更酷 Even cooler when a Sardar wiggles the Zumba
尊巴是最酷的 Zumba's the coolest
莫妮！莫妮！ Moni! Moni!
打扰了 Excuse me.
夫人，药 Madam, the medicines.
莫妮的报告好了吗？莫妮卡巴特拉 Are Moni's reports in? Monika Batra.
她是你老婆？ 是的 Is she your wife? Yes.
先生，你认识我吗？ Sir, don't you recognize me?
是我，拉里塔 It's me, Lalita.
我参加了你的婚礼 I was at your wedding.
记得自助餐吗？ Remember the buffet?
那个肉夹馍？食品柜台？ The chole-kulcha? The food counter?
太难吃了。厨师被逮捕了 That tasted rotten. The cook was arrested.
你是指我的老公？我们一起去的婚礼 You mean my husband? We came to your wedding together.
我做的那个...莫妮，你还好吗？ I made the... Moni, are you OK?
报告怎么说？我来看看 What does the report say? I'll get it.
你还好吗？ Are you OK?
我感觉跟你相处非常融洽 I feel more comfortable with you.
这正是为什么我找你 That's why I asked for you.
我也是 Me too.
我很高兴 I'm glad.
如果我能挽回那个错误就好了 If we can undo our mistake, we'd be very happy.
子宫内膜看起来有点薄，但这是正常的 The endometrium lining seems a little thick. But it's normal.
怎么了，医生？ What's wrong, doctor?
我想我看见了囊肿 I think I see the sac.
啥意思？ What do you mean?
我想她怀孕了 I think she's pregnant.
是时候庆祝了。这是一个好消息！ Time to celebrate. It's good news!
我们能保证你一件事： We can guarantee you one thing:
好消息！ Good news!
你怎么能如此不负责？ How can you be so irresponsible?
你总是跟我玩希特勒式独裁 You're always playing Hitler with me.
你为什么不吃药？ Why didn't you take the pill?
测试结果是阴性 The test results were negative.
所以我不想搞坏我的身体 So I didn't want to tamper with my system.
搞坏？这只是一小片药丸。怎么会搞坏身体？ Tamper? It's one tiny bloody pill. How's that tampering?
瓦伦，你如此麻木不仁。 我麻木不仁？ - Varun, you're so insensitive. I'm insensitive?
别人听见会笑死的 Someone up there must be laughing.
“他们在货车里尝试了这么多次 "They tried so many times in vain.
“但当他们不尝试的时候...”我们得到了好消息 "But when they weren't trying..." We got good news!
走！ Go!
这是医院区域，禁止鸣笛。 It's a hospital zone. No honking.
我们流掉吧 Let's abort.
什么意思？ What is it?
怎么了？ What's wrong?
我只是在想 I was just thinking.
如果莫妮卡怀了你的孩子怎么办？ What if Monika is carrying your child?
不可能！记住乔希医生说的 Impossible! Remember what Dr Joshi said.
我的精子进入你的领域时就晕倒了 My sperm faints when it enters your universe.
他们进入莫妮卡的时候也会晕倒。或者当场死亡。 They would've fainted entering Monika. Or died on the spot.
别吓我。她不能怀孕。 Stop scaring me. She can't be pregnant.
她不能，对吗？ She can't be, right?
别告诉任何人。 为什么？ Don't tell anyone. Why not?
现在别告诉家里人 Don't tell the family now.
我的孩子带来了好消息! Here come my children with good news!
祝福你！ Bless you!
我亲爱的未来父亲。让我们欢庆吧 My sweet future father. Let's celebrate.
好消息让今天都变的美好了 A beautiful day for good news.
我组织了一个祈祷会，然后我们会听到好消息 I had arranged a prayer meeting, then we heard the good news.
谁告诉你的？拉里塔 Who told you? Lalita.
接待员？跟厨师结婚的那个？ 是的 The receptionist? The wedding cook? Yes.
她告诉了她的母亲 She told her mother.
她母亲告诉她的岳母。她岳母告诉了我 Her mother told her mother-in-law. And her mother-in-law told me.
然后你告诉了整个昌迪加尔 And you told all of Chandigarh.
他们来这里是为了祈祷会 They're here for the prayer meeting.
好 OK.
来吧，孩子。去把礼物送给已婚的女士们 Come, son. Go, distribute gifts to the married ladies.
这是你的事，妈妈。别把我搅和进女人的事里 Your turn, Mummy. Don't drag me into this ladies business.
拿着 Have mine.
他怎么了？ What's wrong with him?
等等！ Wait!
恭喜！斯库特 Congratulations! Scoot!
拿着这个 Take this.
你咋了？ What's come over you?
这句台词我练了六年了。 I've been practising this line for six years.
“听...” "Listen..."
“我就要成为你孩子的母亲了” "I'm going to be the mother of your child"
我一直希望听见你说这句台词 I've been dying to hear you say those words.
但实际上... But basically...
你没有怀上我的孩子。那么这是谁的？ You're not carrying my child. Then whose is it?
你不记得了？ Don't you remember?
混合精子！你还在纠结这个问题吗？ Spam mix! You still on about that?
什么混合？这不好笑。 What mix-up? It's not funny.
这是圣母保佑 It's Mother Goddess's blessings.
那她为什么之前不保佑我们？ So why didn't She bless us before?
现在对我来说有什么特别的吗？ What's so special about me now?
坐在那 Sit over there.
坐下！ Sit down!
你告诉我 Tell me something.
我们以前生活在不同的城市。是谁把我们带到了平基婶婶家？ We lived in different cities. Who brought us together at Aunt Pinky's?
平基婶婶。毛线！是圣母！ Aunty Pinky. Rubbish! It was Mother Goddess.
当你看我的时候你突然变得安静 You went quiet when you saw me.
是谁触动你在四天后跟我打招呼？ Who gave you the sense to say hello to me four days later?
圣母 Mother Goddess.
她拯救了你的生意，我们的庄稼，甚至救了你... She saved your business, our crops and even saved you...
...当你得了肺炎 ...when you had pneumonia.
她让妈妈的膝盖手术痊愈。她是谁？ She made Mummy's knee surgery go well. Who did?
圣母 Mother Goddess.
当她向我们展现神迹的时候，你绝对不要怀疑她 When She performed miracles for us, you never doubted Her.
她保佑了我们的生命 She has blessed our lives.
怀疑她的神迹就是怀疑她 Doubting Her miracles is doubting Her.
对不起，莫妮。 没事 Sorry, Moni. It's OK.
我不应该怀疑她的庇佑 I should not doubt Her blessings.
没关系 It's OK.
赞美女神！ Glory to the Goddess!
喂？ Hello?
喂，兄弟，我是哈尼 Hello, brother. It's Honey.
哈尼是谁？打错了吧 Honey, who? Wrong number.
没错，我是哈尼巴特拉 I dialed the right number. It's Honey Batra.
还记得在乔希医院我们的精液搞混了吗？ Remember our spam mix-up at Joshi's hospital?
我想知道，你的妻子是否怀孕了？ I want to know. Is your wife pregnant?
喂，你一点礼貌都不懂吗？ Hello, have you no sense of decency?
这么晚了还在这里胡说八道 Talking nonsense at this hour.
我可没时间胡说八道 Time has nothing to do with talking nonsense.
我是认真的。我老婆莫妮怀孕了 I'm serious. You see my wife Moni is pregnant.
啥？ 是的，你老婆也怀了？ What? Yes. Your wife, too?
就算怀了，跟你何干？ What's it to you if she were?
这和我有很大关系。这孩子会有我的品质 It has everything to do with me. The kid will have my qualities.
什么品质？ What qualities?
我连你这种品质的冰淇淋都不会买！ I wouldn't even buy ice-cream of your quality!
你敢再打过来试试！ Don't you dare call back!
喂... Hello...
他连我这种品质的冰淇淋都不会买！ He wouldn't even buy ice-cream of my quality.
莫妮 Moni.
怎么了？ What's going on?
你怀孕了，她怀孕了。想象一下我们现在的处境 You're pregnant, she's pregnant. Imagine the soup we're in now.
如果他们不让我们堕胎怎么办？ What if they don't let us abort?
为什么不？国家又不是他们的 Why not? They're not ruling the country.
你自己的身体，想怎样就怎样 It's your body, do what you like.
你确定？ 确定？见鬼，我不是专家 Are you sure? Sure? Hell, I'm no expert.
这对我来说也是第一次 This is a first for me too.
是的，但是他的老婆会怀着你的孩子 Yes, but his wife is carrying your baby...
现在还不是孩子。 我知道 It's not a baby yet. I know that.
现在咋办，瓦伦？ What now, Varun?
你的手机在哪？ Where's your phone?
密码？ Password?
00...
0000.
多有创意 How innovative!
睡觉吧。我们去睡觉吧 Go to sleep, please. Let us sleep.
霍拉，请保持安静！ Hola, please be quiet!
我告诉你了，里沙，不要叫他霍拉 I told you, Richa, don't call him Hola.
请。 好的好的。 Please. OK, OK.
怎么了？ 喂，瓦伦？ What's wrong? Yes, Varun?
抱歉这么晚打电话 Sorry to call so late.
你的聆讯是周五在孟买吗？ Is your hearing on Friday in Mumbai?
是的 That's right.
你周四能过来吗？ 咋了？ Can you come on Thursday? What's wrong?
别问那么多，过来告诉你 Just come, I'll tell you.
请把这个怪物带走。 Take this monster, please.
听着，我要走了。我会跟里沙谈谈的 Listen, I gotta go. I'll talk to Richa.
不要叫他怪物 Don't call him a monster.
瓦伦，别，这是我的电话 Varun, please, not my phone.
好。对不起 OK. Sorry.
怎么了？ What's wrong?
莫妮... Moni...
...她绝对怀孕了 ...she's definitely pregnant.
谁？ Who?
那个傲慢的少妇？没错 That snooty chick? Yep.
你应该高兴 You should be happy.
你有了两个孩子 You'll have two kids.
我们的和他们的 Ours and theirs.
都很棒 That's all very well.
但是我担心他们会抛弃那个孩子 But I'm scared they'll drop the kid.
如果他们紧紧地把他抱在怀里就不会了 Not if they hold it firmly in their arms.
我的意思是... I mean...
...我认为他想要他的老婆去堕胎 ...I think he wants his wife to have an abortion.
他们为什么要这么做？难道他们不害怕圣母吗？ Why would they do that? Don't they fear Mother Goddess?
他说他不想要一个拥有我品质的孩子 He said he will not have a baby with my qualities.
他们疯了吗？ Are they crazy?
就好像他们知道你的品质一样 As if they knew your fine qualities.
你在想什么？ What's on your mind?
打包行李，莫妮。我们不能让他们堕掉我们的孩子 Pack our bags, Moni. We can't let them abort our child.
他妈的 What the f***!
我是说如果我们让事情按照他们的计划发展... I mean if we let things run their course...
...那九个月后她将生下你的孩子 ...then nine months later she'll deliver your child.
而你将生下他的孩子 And you'll be delivering his child.
都怪你推荐的那个有罪的庸医 You recommended that guilty quack.
我正在考虑起诉他们 I'm thinking of suing them.
他们用我的精子搞加盟店 They're making a franchise out of my sperm.
我们不会起诉任何人。这里不是美国... We're not suing anyone. This is not America...
不会让你获得两百万美元的赔偿 ...where you'll get a two million dollar settlement.
他是一个著名的医生。如果媒体发现... He's a famous doctor. If the media finds out...
...他们就有的搞了 ...they'll have a field day.
而我们家族也会知道真相。那我们就死定了。 Our families will learn the truth. We'll be screwed.
所以你的决定是什么？ So what have you decided?
有什么需要决定的？我们去堕胎 What's there to decide? We're going for an abortion.
我们需要你的建议。这有法律风险吗？ We need your advice. Could it be legally tricky?
不，你结婚了 No, you're married.
从医生的角度来说，只要你在怀孕20周内就可以实施堕胎 On a doctor's advice, you can have an abortion within 20 weeks of pregnancy.
如果我们去堕胎... If we go for an abortion...
...那个笨蛋哈尼能起诉我们吗？ ...can that clown Honey sue us?
技术上来说，可以。但是他不会赢得官司 Technically, yes. But he won't win the case.
在怀孕案件中，母亲的权力大于父亲 In pregnancy cases, the mother's rights are greater than the father's.
所以你的决定是最终决定 So your decision will be final.
但我建议你去乔希医生那做 But I suggest you go back to that doctor.
他知道你的情况。他不会造成流言蜚语 He knows your case. It'll save you from gossip.
让我们堕胎 Let's abort.
你还好吗？ Are you OK?
我们准备好了吗？ Are we ready?
你丈夫填表的时候，让我们做一个快速检查。来吧 While your husband fills in the form, let's get a quick scan done. Come.
迪普 Deepti.
看到屏幕上那个灰点了吗？ See that grey dot on the screen?
那是婴儿的心脏。这是心跳 That's the baby's heart. It's beating.
为什么给我看这个？ Why show it to me?
因为我知道你是多么渴望当一个母亲 Because I know how desperate you are to be a mother.
那是你的最终决定 The final decision is yours.
我不想劝你什么，特别是在这件事上 I don't want to influence you, specially not in this case.
这是一件非常敏感的事 It's a very sensitive case.
但是我真的想你忘掉所有事，思考一下这个... But I do want you to forget everything and think about the heart...
...在你身体里的心跳 ...that's beating inside you.
这个婴儿的生命 The baby's alive and kicking.
想一想你做过的所有尝试 Think of everything you've tried.
对任何怀了孕的女人来说这都是一种祝福 It's a blessing for any woman to get pregnant.
但是相信我，对于你来说... But believe me, in your case...
...却是神迹！ ...it's a miracle!
迪普 Deepu.
在你决定留下这个婴儿之前，想象一下那个狒狒的脸 Before you decide to keep the baby, imagine that baboon's face.
他的智商连一个刚会走路的小孩都不如 His IQ is lower than a toddler's.
我们将会有那个傻子的小孩！ And we're having that man's baby!
这不是他的孩子，是我们的，瓦伦 It's not his baby, it's ours, Varun.
他会成长的像我们一样 It'll grow up to be just like us.
假设那个婴儿有5%像他，我们怎么忍？ Assume 5% of the baby is like him, what ditch do we jump into?
看，迪普，我认识到你非常情绪化 Look, Deepu, I realize you're feeling very emotional.
休息几天。然后我们去堕胎。 Rest for a few days. Then we'll go for an abortion.
不，瓦伦 No, Varun.
这是正在我体内成长的一条生命 There's a life growing inside me.
我能亲眼看到它的心跳 I saw its heart beating with my own eyes.
你没有意识到我们在做一件多么恐怖的事吗？ Do you realize what a terrible thing we're doing?
我们在杀害一个孩子。我们不能当谋杀犯 We're killing a child. We can't be murderers.
别入戏太深了 Stop being so dramatic!
迪普！ Deepu!
是他们。 什么？ It's them. What?
孩子的父亲 The baby's father.
嘘！他们按了几次门铃后就会离开的 Hush! They'll ring the doorbell a few times and go.
别像一个孩子一样说话！他们是来谈孩子的 Stop talking like a kid! They're here to talk about a kid.
“迪普和瓦伦的家” "Deepu and Varun's home"
看到没？太傲慢了！ See that? Snooty show-offs!
我们称我们的家“天堂”， 他们叫它“家” We call our home "paradise." They call it "home."
你看多明显啊！ How obvious can you get!
到里面去，我来处理他们 Go inside, I'll handle them.
让我来。 他们很危险 Let me see. They're dangerous.
迪普，求你了 Deepu, please.
你好，嫂子，你好吗？ Hello, sister-in-law. How are you?
很好，怎么了？ All good. Yes?
我们想和你谈谈。继续 We want to talk to you. Go on.
在外面？让我们进去谈。进来吧，莫妮 Out here? Let's talk inside. Come, Moni.
谢谢，嫂子。请进 Thank you, sister-in-law. Come in.
哇！我们的房子比他们的好 Wow! Our home is better than theirs.
嗨，老兄。更喜欢印度打招呼的方式吗？ Hey, you! Hello, brother! Prefer saying hello the Indian way?
当我看到你们的门牌时，我就知道你们是老套的人 I knew you were old world when I read your doorplate.
这是给你们的特产 Some delicacies for you.
我打赌是炸弹 Bet it's a bomb.
瓦伦！ Varun!
抱歉。我们能喝杯水吗？ Excuse me. Can we get a water, please?
多谢 Thank you so much.
给。 直接对着瓶子喝吗？ Here. Straight from the bottle?
他对待我们像家人，不像客人 He treats us like family, not like guests.
有啥新闻吗，老兄？ 给你水 What news, brother? Water for you.
工作咋样？ How's work?
你想干啥？ What do you want?
你真是开门见山啊 You really cut to the chase.
我想谈谈这个不幸的倒霉事...种子搞混 I want to talk about this weird mishap... the seed mix-up.
种子？ 精液 Seed? Spam.
我们只是想知道我的孩子是否安全 We just want to know if my baby is safe.
你的孩子？是我们的孩子 Your baby? It's ours.
但是是我的精子。她有我的。 But it's my spam. And she has mine.
所以呢？他们是我的卵子。 也是我的卵子。 How so? They're my eggs. My eggs too.
但是他们的精子是我的！ But the spam's mine!
够了！你们两个是傻逼吗？你们想干嘛？ Enough of this egg-spam! Are you both nuts? What do you want?
我只是想她体内那个用我精子产生的孩子是安全的 I just want the baby inside her, with my spam, to be safe.
作为回报，我保证你在我妻子体内的精子安全 In return, I guarantee your spam is safe inside my wife.
谁关心它们是不是安全！ Who cares if it's safe or not!
我只希望你们不要再来打扰我们 We want you to stop disturbing us.
打扰？请告诉他 Disturb? Please tell him.
我们必须知道一旦孩子出生会发生什么？ We must know what happens once the baby is born.
你说了你不想有一个具有我品质的孩子 You said you didn't want a child with my qualities.
先生，我想你们把那孩子给我 Sir, we want you to give us the baby.
我们会抚养两个孩子 We'll take care of both children.
好主意！等一下。 Best idea! One minute.
现在是几月？3月 What month are we? March.
9个月后就是11月，她会在11月生产 9 months means November. She'll deliver in November.
闭嘴！ Just shut up!
我等下跟你谈。 就这么解决！ I'll talk to you later. It's settled!
至于你们，起来滚蛋 And you guys, get up and get lost.
如果再讲这种废话就给我滚！ If you ever talk such rot again... just get out!
滚？为啥？ Get out? Why?
她是老板。如果她能叫我闭嘴... She's the boss. If she can ask me to shut up...
...为什么她不能叫你们滚？ ...why can't she ask you to get out?
所以起来滚蛋！快！ So get up and go! Move it!
疯子 Crazy people.
垃圾 Rubbish people!
我肯定盒子里是个炸弹 I'm sure there's a bomb in that box.
那是什么，瓦伦？ 什么意思？ What was that, Varun? Meaning?
我们是一边的。我会向他们展示什么是团队协作。 We're a team. I was showing them our teamwork.
你想要我怀着他们的孩子9个月，忍受痛苦... You want me to carry the child for 9 months, endure pain...
...生下他们的孩子然后给他们？ ...deliver the baby and then give it to them?
你知道你有多么麻木不仁吗？ Do you even know how insensitive you are?
麻木不仁？我？ Insensitive? Me?
你是麻木不仁的那个 You're the insensitive one.
是谁决定不问问我就决定不堕胎了？ Who decided against abortion without consulting me?
现在怎么处理这两人 Now handle the uncouth twosome.
他们有芥末油的臭味 They stink of mustard oil.
从现在开始，我不会允许你孩子的父亲闯进我的家 From now on I won't let the father of your child barge into my home.
我们孩子的父亲？ The father of my child?
你的家？ Your home?
我真不敢相信，瓦伦 I can't believe you, Varun.
你一个人过吧 So enjoy your home alone!
太棒了，我会的。看看现在谁敏感了 Great, I will. Now who's being sensitive?
走开！ Go away!
我一个人会很快乐的 I'll be happy alone.
是的，太棒了 Love it. Wonderful.
迪普！ Deepu!
迪普 Deepu.
瓦伦，让我走 Varun, let me go.
你要去哪？ 不知道，让开 Where you going? Don't know. Let go of the door.
对不起，失言了。 真的很对不起 I'm sorry. It just slipped out. I'm really sorry.
不，瓦伦。这不是错误 No, Varun. It wasn't a mistake.
你搞得我跟他有一腿一样 You were accusing me of having an affair with him.
够了。你不想当父母 That's enough. You don't want to be a parent.
显然是我强迫你的。就这样吧！ 这不是真的。 Clearly I'm forcing you. Let it be! Not true.
听我说，放松。先放松 Listen to me. Relax. Just cool down.
这是什么意思？ What's this?
你说啥？ Pardon me?
这是想干啥？ 你看它像什么？ What's going on? What does it look like?
我们租了你们上面的公寓 We're renting the flat above you.
邦迪！把我们的东西都卸下来 Bunty! Unload all our things.
来吧，莫妮 Come, Moni.
慢一点！ Slow it down!
嫂子 Sister-in-law.
早上好。 去上班？ Good morning. Off to work?
有“好的一天”或者有一块“Krackjack” Have a "Good Day" or a "Krackjack."
两个都是超级饼干！ Both super biscuits!
但是那男孩太顽固了 But the boy's too stubborn
他不会放过我的 He won't cut me any slack
跟我做朋友 Be friends with me
将心比心 Give your heart in return of mine
多棒的交易！ What a trade-off!
宝贵的交易 A golden deal
天啊！ Oh my God!
里沙，我一点都不相信那个哈尼 Richa, I don't trust that Honey one bit.
他很惹人厌。我们必须做点什么 He's a pest. We must do something.
例如？ Like what?
法律上来看我们不能阻止他们住在我们的大楼里 Legally we can't stop them from living in your building.
但是我们可以阻止他们索要孩子的权力 But we can stop them from claiming rights to the child.
我们为什么不搞个协议？ Why don't we make a contract?
一个关于生产后... It'll say post-delivery...
...他们没有权力要我们的孩子，我们也没有权力要他们的 ...they'll have no rights to our child, nor will we to theirs.
也不能联系... No contact either...
...不管谁的精子在里面 ...regardless of whose spam is involved.
我会核对下相关法规，然后答复你 I'll check the legalities and get back to you.
我需要一点时间。 再见 I need a little time. Bye.
你喜欢这个交易。但是我不喜欢 You like the deal. But I don't
这是爱的交易 This love trade-off
别太放松了 Don't get too comfy
移到旁边 Move aside
别糟蹋我的心情 Don't spoil my mood
当你触碰我的心 When you touched my heart
这个贾特变得多愁善感 This Jatt became all sentimental
跟我做朋友 Be friends with me
将心比心 Give your heart in return of mine
多好的交易！ What a trade-off!
你必须休息。休息时间。让工作见鬼去吧! You must rest. Take time off. To hell with work!
你这是第三个月 You're in your third month.
一路顺风，嫂子 Have a safe lift, sister-in-law.
这些女人啊...！ These ladies...!
宝贵的交易 A golden deal
嫂子 Sister-in-law.
嗨！协议在这 Hi! The contract's here.
我认为我们应该打电话给他们 I think we should call them.
瓦伦！ Varun!
瓦伦，开门！ Varun, open the door!
马上 Work in progress.
很好 That's good.
忘记冲水了？ Forgot to flush?
我压力太大了，我什么都没干。行吗？ I'm so stressed, nothing happened. Is that OK by you?
我知道你抽烟，但你现在抽大麻？ I knew you smoked but now you're smoking a ***?
是的，夏洛特福尔摩斯小姐。好的，我抽了大麻 Yes, Miss Sherlock Holmes. OK. I smoked a ***.
这都是你的错。 我的错？ It's your fault. My fault?
他们闯进我们的生活就是你的错 It's your fault they barged into our lives.
如果你听了我的建议去堕胎... If you had taken my advice and had an abortion...
...我们今天就不用面对这些。 放松 we wouldn't have to see this day. Relax.
我们要让他们签协议。然后我们就能各走各路 We need them to sign the contract. Then we can go our separate ways.
我擦！他们来了 Sh**! They're here.
放松，瓦伦。这没问题。放松？ Relax, Varun. It's fine. Relax?
今天会有个了断的 It'll be all over today.
我们有这个 We've got this.
团队协作？ Teamwork?
团队协作！ Teamwork!
你能去开门吗？当然！我是这房子的主人 Will you get the door? Sure! I'm the man of the house.
你好，老兄。你还好吧？ Hello, brother. How are you?
非常好，请进 Very well. Come in.
我要脱鞋吗？ 不需要，直接进来吧 Should I take my shoes off? No need. Barge in.
我们还是脱鞋吧 We'll take our shoes off.
这样就不会有细菌进入房间了。为婴儿着想！ The less bacteria entering the house the better. Think of the babies!
不可能没有细菌的 Can't stop all the bacteria.
你在耍我！你在耍我对吧？ Pulling my leg! Wanna try the other leg?
老兄，我必须感谢你 Brother, I must thank you.
我知道是因为协议，但是至少你邀请我们来家里 I know it's for the contract, but at least you invited us home.
谢谢。请坐 Thank you. Sit down.
过来，莫妮。谢谢你，先生 Come, Moni. Thank you, sir.
他心情不错 He's in a good mood.
放松 Easy.
听着，问问厕所在哪 Listen. Ask where the toilet is.
你不是刚去嘛。你一天要去几次？ But you just went. How many times in a day do you go?
我要给你弄给便携式马桶 I'll make you a portable toilet.
那种手提式的 A kind of takeaway.
我无法控制 I can't control it.
快问！ 别急！等他们回来 Ask! Be patient. Let them come back.
我现在问谁？问墙吗？ Who can I ask? The walls?
他的笑让我恶心的全身发抖 His laugh makes my whole body shake with disgust.
我好想揍他 I'm dying to punch him.
放松！ Relax!
欢迎 Namaste.
茶？咖啡还是果汁？ Tea? Coffee? Juice?
不用，谢谢 Nothing, thank you.
我能喝杯啤酒吗？ Can I get a beer, please?
瓦伦 Varun.
马上拿来 Coming up.
啤酒是基本款大麦汤 Beer is basically barley water.
调理肠胃 Rewires your gut.
听到了没？ Hear that?
一个好屁，嫂子 Good shot, sister-in-law.
她可爱吧 Isn't she cute?
我老婆放屁 My wife breaks wind.
怀孕的时候，肚子就像起泡的苏打水 In pregnancy, the belly's like a soda spraying gas bubbles.
我肯定你也会放屁。 I'm sure you fart too.
瓦伦！ Varun!
厕所在哪？ The toilet, please?
好主意 Good idea.
喂？ Hello?
来。 小心一点 Come. Easy does it!
注意。你可能又会放屁 Careful. You might fart again.
瓦伦今天心情不错 Varun's in a good mood today.
来，巴特拉女士 Come, Mrs Batra.
厕所。 灯的开关在你左边 The toilet. The light switch is to your left.
如果你需要什么就说 If you need anything, call.
我忘了！嫂子，来点拉度球（印度特色甜点） I forgot! Sister-in-law, some laddoos.
我妈妈做了一些 My mother made them.
你妈妈知道我的事了？ 不，她给莫妮做的 Does your Mummy know? No. She made them for Moni.
我想我要给你一些 I thought I'd give you some.
放下吧 Put them down.
没事吧？ All well?
你能叫下我老公吗？ Could you call my husband, please?
好的 OK.
不用了。怎么了？ Never mind. What is it?
肉没用 Your 'flesh' isn't working.
跟我们的肉不一样 It's not like our 'flesh.'
这有什么好笑得？ What's so funny?
“肉！”（英文冲水和肉发音相近） 'Flesh!'
对不起 Sorry.
你有一个很棒的书房 You have a nice library.
如果你想看印地语图书，在那里 If you prefer Hindi books, they're over there.
不，我也看英文小说 No, I read English novels too.
我在古鲁·纳纳克德夫大学学过英语恐怖（英语恐怖和口语发音相近） I did my English Horrors at Guru Nanak Dev University.
如果你想看我的书，那将是我的“恐怖” If you'd like to have one of my books, it will be my 'horror.'
嫂子，你还好吗？ 是的 Sister-in-law, are you OK? Yes.
你有强壮的手臂。我的孩子也会有的 You have strong arms. My child will have them too.
瓦伦！警察来了 Varun! The police are here.
他刚刚帮了我 He was just helping me.
他真是帮了挺多啊，不是吗？ So helpful, isn't he?
我能借这本书吗？ Can I borrow this book?
“盗汗”（英语汗和甜蜜发音相近） "Sweaty Nights."
不用了。实际上，我已经读过了 Forget it. Actually, I've already read it.
我走了。“盗汗” I'll be off. "Sweaty Nights!"
那个蠢货竟然让我吃他家自制的拉度球... That clown was trying to feed me homemade laddoos...
...你却在这抽大麻，还和他的老婆调情 ...and you're smoking a *** and flirting with his wife.
我没有调情，但是我不能停止笑 I wasn't flirting. But I can't stop laughing.
她真是太搞笑了 She's so darn funny.
瓦伦，我不想我们在他们面前互相拆台 Varun, I don't want us to kill each other in front of them.
所以赶紧让我们做完了事。协议在哪？ So let's get it over with. Where's the contract?
在“盗汗”上面 Above "Sweaty Nights."
听着... And listen...
别在他们面前讨论 Don't talk in front of them.
太荒谬了 Ridiculous.
他今天看起来不奇怪吗？ Doesn't he look weird today?
协议在这。瓦伦提到过它。 Here's the contract. Varun mentioned it.
是的，这是我们在这里的原因 Yes. That's why we're here.
你老公什么时候跟我说这个... When your husband told me about it...
...我也让我的律师起草了一份协议...I asked my lawyer to make us a contract too.
我们看你们的，你们看我们的 We read yours, you read ours.
莫妮，给他们 Moni, give them.
拿去 Here you go.
莫妮会看协议的 Moni will read it.
莫妮完成了她的英语恐怖课 Moni's done her 'Horrors' in English.
不错，不错，不错。 谢谢 Good. Good. Good. Thank you.
这是什么垃圾？ What's this nonsense?
这么多英文单词只能说明协议有猫腻 That many English words can only mean the contract's dodgy.
我们咋不用法文写协议 Should've written it in French.
不，嫂子。我们不能签我们不懂的东西 No, sister-in-law. We can't sign something we don't understand.
闭嘴，这是什么？ Shut up! What's this?
如果是一个女孩或者男孩，它将去加拿大的女修道院学校或学院 If it's a girl or boy, it'll go to a convent school and college in Canada.
当它长大，它会成为一个运动员或者说唱歌手 When it grows up, it'll be an athlete or rapper.
所以？ So?
他的父亲是一个短跑选手，米辛格的粉丝 His father is sprinter Milkha Singh's fan.
我们是说唱歌手，哈尼辛格的粉丝！ We're rapper Honey Singh's fans!
这是一份恶作剧还是协议？ Is this a prank or a contract?
恶作剧？ A prank?
就因为我们是可爱的夫妻，你们就指控我们是坏人？ Just because we're a cute couple, you're accusing us of the worst.
瓦伦，你不说点什么？ Varun, will you say something?
我在想孩子的未来 I was wondering about that kid's future.
别担心。 我们已经下定决心了。 Don't worry. Our minds are made up.
告诉他们！ 运动员或者说唱歌手 Tell them! Athlete or rapper.
闭嘴，伙计！ Shut up, guys!
你想知道协议里写的什么吗？ You want to know what's in this contract?
我们的协议里说你们永远不能接近我们的孩子 Our contract says you will not come anywhere near our child.
不再跟我们联系 No more contact with us.
我们对你们的孩子没有任何权力，你们对我们的孩子也一样 We'll have no rights on your child, nor will you have on ours.
拿着笔 Take the pen.
拿去，快签 Here's a pen. Sign it.
我们想跟你们做朋友，但是你们却想远离我们 We wanted to be friends with you, but you want nothing to do with us.
现在就签了它。莫妮... Just sign it now. Moni...
等等，让我签给他们看 Wait, let me show them.
这笔上全是耳屎 The pen's covered in earwax.
这就是我愤怒的签字 Here's my angry signature.
你们不关心你们的孩子... If you don't care about your child...
...不代表我们不关心我们的孩子 ...it doesn't mean we don't care about ours.
滚出去！ Get out!
瓦伦！ Varun!
滚！ 请你滚，我的朋友 Get out! You get out, my friend.
这是我们的房子。那请进 This is our house. Then get in!
他们只会说“滚！”我们不会再回来了 All they can say is "Get out!" We're not coming back.
我真搞不懂这家伙 I don't get this guy.
嫂子，自拍一张怎样？我的“肉”打开了（英文闪光灯跟肉发音相近） Sister-in-law, how about a selfie? My 'flush' is on.
我们自拍吧。我的“肉”打开了 I'll selfie you. My 'flush' is on.
瓦伦，够了！嫂子... Varun, just stop it! Sister-in-law...
昨晚我读了他们的协议 I read their contract last night.
上面告诉我们如何抚养孩子 It tells us how to raise the kid.
上面甚至说到孩子16岁... It even says that until he's 16...
...我们应该喂他酥油使他的骨骼更强壮 ...we must feed him clarified butter to make his bones strong.
真是个好人，老兄！ What a character, man!
你选了个怪人来交换精子 You really chose a weirdo for the sperm swap.
我一直在梦里看到王子（哈尼是锡克教徒，头巾装饰像王子）的脸 I keep seeing the Sardar's face in my dreams.
你后面那个王子是谁? Who's that Sardar behind you?
别闹。你看一下！ Not funny. Just look!
先生，会议... Sir, the meeting...
我来了。告诉他们我正在看“凯撒里（2019年印度锡克教士兵的电影）” I'm coming. Tell them I'm watching 'Kesari'.
哈尼有什么问题？ What's Honey's problem?
他想从我们这得到什么？ What does he want from us?
不是从你。他想要那孩子在你老婆体内成长 Not from you. He wants the kid growing inside your wife.
你知道，血浓于水 You know, blood is thicker than water.
闭嘴！ Shut up!
不要告诉我当你看到莫妮的肚子时你没有任何感觉 Don't tell me you don't feel emotional when...
那是你的孩子 ...you see Monika's bump. That's your child.
你生物学上的孩子 Your biological child.
不，我不会 No. I don't.
我有个会议。晚点再说，再见 I have a meeting. Talk to you guys later. Bye.
我怀孕七个月... I'm seven months pregnant...
...但是没有任何动静，医生 ...but there's been no movement, doctor.
婴儿现在应该会踢人了 The baby should've kicked by now.
也许他在踢。但是你太忙了所以感觉不到 Maybe it has. But you were too busy to feel it.
你说啥，医生？ What are you saying, doctor?
我整天想的就是婴儿 The baby is all I think about.
当我工作时，我一直都在想他 When I'm at work, I think about it all the time.
我绝不会错过他的任何细节 I won't miss it for anything at all.
我很高兴 I'm glad.
你很忙，但是不像其他母亲那样有太大的压力 Good you're busy and not stressed out like other moms.
实际上... Actually...
...我能看下孩子生物学父亲的资料吗？ ...may I see the file of the baby's biological father?
他的就医历史 His medical history.
对不起，迪普，那是机密 I'm sorry, Deepti, that's confidential.
放松！你的孩子相当健康 Relax! Your child's perfectly healthy.
如果有问题我会让你知道的 If there was a problem, I would've told you.
关于他俩，我什么都不知道 It's just that I don't know anything about those people.
这让我害怕 It scares me.
那就尝试去了解他们 So get to know them.
如果你们并肩同行，那对每个人来说都好 If you made this journey together, It would be easier on everyone.
你不是唯一一个害怕的人 You're not the only one who's scared.
莫妮卡也害怕 Monika's scared too.
真的？ Really?
她看起来如此放松，好像她每一年都怀孕一样 She looks so relaxed like she was pregnant every year.
喂，婶婶。你好吗？ Hello, aunty. How are you?
你是不是在凯蒂猫的派对？ Are you at a kitty party?
没问题。我刚刚打过电话了 No problem. I just called.
我们将带着你的孙子一起来看你 We'll come to see you with your grandchild.
好，再见 OK. Bye.
嫂子？ Sister-in-law?
请进，嫂子。想吃点街边小吃吗？ Come in, sister-in-law. Want some street food?
街边小吃？ Street food?
怎么了？ What's wrong?
它让我想起了... 什么？ It reminds me of... What?
昌迪加尔街边小吃 Chandigarh street food.
需要点什么，女士？ Yes, madam?
两份腌菜，两份甜点。两份混合“帕尼普利（一种印巴传统小吃）” Two sour, two sweet. Two mixed 'gol gappe.'
你们也有干的吗？ You have dry ones too?
为生孩子你尝试了多长时间？ How long have you tried for a child?
六年。 真的吗？ Six years. Are you serious?
我曾经怀孕两次 I was pregnant twice.
但是两次都流产了 But I had two miscarriages.
而你继续尝试？ And you kept trying?
孩子比你的健康还重要吗？ Are children more important than your health?
你为什么不堕胎？ Why didn't you adopt?
血浓于水 Blood's thicker than water.
你好，老兄！ Hello, brother!
对不起，我迟到了 Sorry, I'm a little late.
孟买堵车！现在汽车的数量是房子的两倍 Mumbai traffic! Cars now double up as second homes.
为什么叫我来这？ Why call me here?
把所有东西抛一边... Leaving everything aside...
我谢谢你来这 I want to thank you for coming.
我们七个月前搬来这里... We moved here seven months ago...
..但是我们从来没有一对一的谈过话 ...but we've never talked, man-to-man.
所以在这里谈谈挺不错的 So meeting here is good.
因为当我们去你家时，得到的总是“滚出去” Because it's 'get out' when we visit you!
你懂得 You know all that.
发生在我们身上的事是难以置信的。 这毫无疑问 What's happened to us is beyond belief. No doubt.
但是我很高兴我的精子游进了好人的体内 But I'm glad my spam swam into good people.
我的精子跑进了一场错误的比赛，但是它赢了 My spam was running in the wrong race but it won.
所以你想喝点什么？桑尼！ So what will you drink? Sonny!
两大杯威士忌。苏打还是水？ Two large whiskeys. Soda or water?
现在才6点半 It's only 6:30.
这是为什么我问你要苏打还是水。否则就很简单了，不是吗？ That's why I ask. Soda or water? Otherwise it's neat, no?
给我一杯维京草莓代基里 Get me a strawberry Daiquiri, a virgin.
一个什么代基里？ A what Daiquiri?
随便吧。好的 Never mind. Alright.
我不能跟一杯代基里碰杯 I can't say cheers with a Daiquiri.
没门。看看这个颜色 No way. Just look at the color.
来杯真的酒吧。 不 Have a proper drink. No.
不要说不。 不，不 Don't say no. No, no.
来吧，我的兄弟 Please, my brother.
一小杯 A small one.
我们不能喝醉，对他也一样 We won't get sozzled. Same for him.
老兄 Brother...
干杯！ Cheers!
你丈夫粘这孩子吗? Is your husband attached to the child?
我不知道 I don't know.
哈尼呢？ And Honey?
他非常粘，但他更关心你 He's attached, but he's more concerned about you.
你不会不爽吗？ Don't you feel bad?
我会 I do.
哦，不。 怎么了？ Oh no. What's wrong?
孩子又踢了我。他变的淘气了 The baby kicked again. It's getting naughty.
来吧，老兄。请 Come on, brother. Please.
你们是镇上的红人，昌迪加尔的孩子！ You're the talk of the town, my Chandigarh boy!
路口的警察看见你都叹气 The cop at the crossroads sighs when he sees you
你下巴上有颗痣 You with the mole on your chin
它就像月亮上的斑点 It's like the spot on the moon
你那些黑色的阴影 Those black shades of yours
孩子，它们在你脸上看起来真酷 Boy, do they look cool on you!
它们在你雪白的皮肤上显得很突出 They stand out on your fair skin
兄弟，亲一个！不，不 Brother, one kiss! No, no.
兄弟，亲一个！ 你是傻逼吗？ Brother, one kiss. Are you nuts?
现在所有的紧张都消失了! All the tension has gone now!
我能说些什么吗？ Can I say something?
那个医生... That doctor...
乔希不是医生，他是调包贼 Joshi is not a doctor, he's just shifty.
对，调包贼 Yes, shifty.
他说“巴特拉先生，我们将得到卵子，精子，不，午餐肉...”（英语午餐肉跟精子发音相近） He said, "Mr Batra, we'll take the eggs, the sperm, no, spam...
“...你坐在家，你的孩子将在我们的实验室出生” "...you sit at home and your baby will be born in our lab."
我震惊了 I was blown away.
现代科学的奇迹 The miracles of modern science!
父母窝在家里... The parents lazing at home...
...这个家伙在生产实验室婴儿。 ...and this character's creating lab babies.
95%成功率 95% success.
我学会了一些之前从没想过的词 I've learned words I never thought existed.
像“卵巢”。它提醒我那首歌... Like 'ovary.' It reminds me of that song...
卵巢！夜晚在花园狂舞 Ovary! Dancing wildly in the garden at midnight
顺便说一句，它不是“卵巢”。它是“莫妮”，一只雌孔雀 By the way, it's not 'ovary!' It's 'morni,' a peahen.
卵巢听上去更好 Ovary sounds better.
那个，告诉我... By the way, tell me...
...我的...我的意思是，你的孩子开始踢人了吗？ Has my...I mean, your kid started kicking?
我不知道 I have no idea.
你们真是好人，但是有些事困扰着我 You people are great, but something's bothering me.
别想了，老兄。天意已定 Don't mind, brother. God has done what He had to.
但我担心的是，你的粗心大意可能会伤害我孩子 But what worries me is your negligence might harm my child.
啥玩意？没什么可原谅的。 Excuse me? Nothing to excuse you about.
嫂子怀孕七个月了，她还一直在工作 Sister-in-law is seven months pregnant and she's still working.
她不会停止工作的。你不能把钱拿走 She won't stop. You can't take the money with you.
这是她的决定 It's her decision.
不要进行人身攻击。人身攻击？ Don't get personal. Personal?
我的精子在你老婆体内。你的精子在莫妮体内 My spam is inside your wife, your spam is inside Moni.
还有比这更人身攻击的吗？ What's more personal?
这是什么屁话？ What's this nonsense?
你叫我来这就是为了说这个？ You called me here for this?
老兄... Brother...
我不想骗你 I wouldn't lie to you.
我叫你来这是因为我担心我的孩子 I called you here 'cos I'm worried about my baby.
随便你老婆是不是继续工作，如果我的孩子有任何闪失... What with your wife working, if anything happens to my kid...
...我会好好教训你的 ...I'll teach you a lesson.
你算老几啊，教训我？ Who are you to teach me a lesson?
我可以忍受你胡闹，但不要说废话了 I've put with your clowning, but don't talk rubbish.
先生请 Sir, please.
我们有其他顾客。让他们见鬼去 We have other customers. To hell with the customers!
我还没有开始 I haven't started yet.
你甚至不知道你的孩子是否开始踢人 You don't even know if your child has kicked.
你想我签一份协议把我的孩子给你... And you want me to sign a contract giving you my child...
...并且永远不与孩子碰面 ...and never meet the baby.
如果我的精子最终变成鲁莽的人，他不会让我操心吗 If my spam ends up with reckless people, wouldn't it worry me?
我不应该来这里 I shouldn't have come here.
我一想到孩子可能长的像你，就觉得很恶心 I'm disgusted at the thought the kid will look like you.
听见了吗？ Hear that?
他的孩子将长得像我！ His kid will look like me!
你们为什么笑？ Why are you laughing?
你的孩子将长得像我！ Your child will look like me!
所以？所以什么？ So? So what?
先生！你们打扰到其他客人了。 Sir! You're disturbing the other customers.
请离开，要不然我要报警了 Please leave or I'll call the police.
我是真正的巴特拉，我不是巴奇 I'm the real Batra, I don't budge.
这个巴特拉在喝完他的酒之前是不会走的 And this Batra won't go till he's finished his drink.
这才是真正的巴特拉。如果你想报警就报吧 That's the real Batra for you. Call the cops if you want.
废物！ Useless!
你这个说英语的沙雕！ 滚出去！ You English-talking smartass! Get out!
他喜欢说“滚出去” He loves saying "Get out."
把我的钉子拿来 Bring me my peg.
你瞅啥？你好，是警察吗？ What you staring at? Hello, police?
宝贝，你还好吗？ 是的，我很好 Baby, are you OK? Yeah, I'm fine.
我今天见了莫妮卡 I saw Monika today.
她的孩子开始踢人了 Her child has started kicking.
但是我们的还没有 But ours hasn't.
乔希医生说一切都很好 Dr Joshi said everything was fine.
七个月了，现在应该会踢人了 It's the seventh month. It should've kicked by now.
踢踢踢！ Kick. Kick. Kick!
我的精子是跟哈尼的精子搞混了，不是跟罗纳尔多的 My sperm was mixed up with Honey's sperm, not Ronaldo's.
你就只会说这些 That's all you can talk about.
听不到那些屁事我就没法平静地呼吸 Can't breathe in peace without hearing about those clowns.
我累了 I'm exhausted.
对不起 I'm sorry.
没关系 It's OK.
爸妈下周会来 Mom and Dad are coming next week.
他们想给你一个惊喜 They wanted to give you a surprise.
他们听起来很兴奋 They sounded so excited.
我不知道怎么阻止他们过来 I didn't know how to stop them.
你不需要这么做 You don't need to.
他们毕竟是你的父母。他们当然兴奋 They're your parents after all. Of course they'd be excited.
不要表现得好像一切都很正常 Don't behave like everything's normal.
一切都会正常的，瓦伦 Everything could be normal, Varun.
你不想粘着这孩子吗？ Don't you feel attached to this child?
不，我不想 No, I don't.
我不想。绞死我吧 I don't. So hang me.
你要怀胎九月 You'll be carrying it for nine months.
正常来说你会感觉到牵绊。我知道，但是我没有感觉 Naturally you'll feel attached. I get it. But I don't feel it.
把孩子留给那个小丑吧。我无所谓 Let those clowns have the baby. Makes no difference to me.
你原来说过，但是你是对的 You've said that before, but you're right.
就算我把孩子给他们，也不会对你有任何影响 It wouldn't affect you if I gave them the baby.
怀孕，生孩子？这不是什么大事 Getting pregnant, carrying a baby? No big deal.
一个人必须忍受这点痛苦 One has to endure a little pain.
脱发，面疮，皮症，无休止的打针都是小问题 Minor problems. Falling hair, facial boils, body rash, endless injections.
你的膀胱因为孩子的重量连尿都憋不了 Your bladder can't hold your pee because of the baby's weight.
发烧，着凉，咳嗽 Fever, cold, cough.
无论什么情况都不能吃药，因为那会伤害婴儿 And under no circumstance take any medicine. It'll harm the baby.
这不是什么大问题 That's no big deal either.
你不能穿你最喜欢的衣服，因为不合身 Can't wear your favorite clothes, nothing fits.
不能吃你喜欢的食物，因为不允许 Can't eat your favorite food, not allowed.
沮丧，心烦意乱，我们要忍受这一切... Depression, mood swings. We endure it all...
...所以没人会因为这些生气 ...so no one gets upset.
一个母亲为了她的孩子牺牲了九个月 A mother sacrifices her body for those nine months.
你甚至无法想象分娩有多痛 And you can't even imagine the labor pain.
但我们都用笑容面对 But we take it all with a smile.
因为我们知道... Because we know...
...当我们第一次看到那个孩子时... ...when we see the baby for the first time...
...一切都值了 ...it'll all be worth it.
但是一个男人在怀孕期间的贡献呢？ But a man's contribution during pregnancy?
就一句“嗨，宝贝，我来了” A cool "Ah, baby, I've come."
我敢肯定你从没想过这些。 I'm sure none of this ever crossed your mind.
因为你从来不理解我，瓦伦 Because you were never on the same page, Varun.
你一直忙着思考怎么摆脱他们 You were busy thinking about how to get them off your back.
你称这个是好消息？ You call this good news, Varun?
自从我们听到这个消息，我们之间就再也没有什么好事情了 Since we heard the news, there's been nothing good between us.
带我去医院。他不在家 Take me to the hospital. He isn't at home.
他的手机关机了 His phone is switched off.
我要死了 I'm dying.
迪普！ Deepu!
啊，圣母，帮帮我... O Mother Goddess, help me...
瓦伦，快点 Varun, hurry up.
咋了？ What happened?
踢我了！ A kick!
小心点，嫂子。迪普也怀孕了 Careful, sister-in-law. Deepu's pregnant too.
我们的宝贝踢人了 Our baby kicked.
哦...好 Oh...OK.
恭喜嫂子 Congratulations, sister-in-law.
兄弟，请快点。 瓦伦，快 Brother, please be quick. Varun, hurry up.
她要进分娩室了。她只有七个月，医生 She's gone into labor. It's only her seventh month, doctor.
这个孩子是早产儿 The baby's premature.
她有流产历史 She has a history of miscarriages.
无论如何，完成手续。尝试联系她的丈夫 Anyway, complete the formalities. Try and contact her husband.
我已经打过电话了。他不接听 I have. He isn't answering.
儿科医生来了吗？ Has the pediatrician come?
我建议你回家。尽量放松，好吗？ I suggest you go home. Try and relax. OK?
它还好吗？ Will it be alright?
一切都会好起来。不要有压力 Everything will be fine. Don't stress.
我会一直等到哈尼过来 I'll wait till Honey shows up.
小心开车 Drive carefully.
巴特拉先生？ Mr Batra?
你是父亲吗？ Are you the father?
不，他父亲正赶过来 No, he's on his way.
他来了后尽快把他叫过来 Send him in as soon as he gets here.
孩子怎样？ How's the child?
很危险。她现在在保温箱 It's serious. She's in an incubator.
她？ She?
你想看看她吗？ Do you want to see her?
跟我来 Follow me.
巴特拉先生... Mr Batra...
过来 Come.
有些早产儿不能吞咽或者呼吸... Some premature infants cannot swallow or breathe properly...
...所以他们需要静脉注射 ...so they're fed intravenously.
她能活下来吗？ Will she make it?
很难说 Can't say.
可能很难 It seems difficult.
我们需要让她呆在ICU We'll keep her in the ICU.
老兄，你有一个女儿了 Brother, you have a girl.
莫妮... Moni...
你看了她吗？ Have you seen her?
让我见见楚希亚 Let me see Chuhiya just once.
你没跟我商量就给她取名了 You named her without me.
她这么小，这么轻。像一只小老鼠 She's so small. So tiny. Like a little mouse.
她会好起来吗？ Will she be alright?
带我去见她 Take me to her.
叫护士。好，好 Please tell the nurse. Sure.
你还没睡？ You're still up?
宝宝怎么样？ How's the baby?
她还在恒温箱里 She's still in the incubator.
对不起 Sorry.
迪普，对不起 Deepu, I'm sorry.
在这个阴冷的早晨 On this bleak morning
黑暗挥之不去 Darkness lingering
波浪将迎向海岸 The waves shall meet the shore
忽近忽远 Though the near seems so far away
我知道我的心应该受到责备 I know my heart is to blame
所有人都能免于这种痛苦吗 May all be spared this suffering
不管你失去了什么，你会找到的 Whatever you've lost you shall find
不管什么坏了，都会恢复的 Whatever is broken shall be restored
宝宝很危险。让我们祈祷 The baby is critical. Let's just pray.
不管你失去了什么，你会找到的 Whatever you've lost you shall find
不管什么坏了，都会恢复的 Whatever is broken shall be restored
谁知道我的旅途会领我去向何方 Who knows where my journey has led me
我们所有的梦现在都破碎了 All our dreams are now shattered
我知道我的心应该受到责备 I know my heart is to blame
所有人都能免于这种痛苦吗 May all be spared this suffering
怎么了，兄弟？ What's happened, brother?
宝宝，有出生警报了！ Baby! The alarm's gone off.
闹钟（警报和闹钟是同一单词）没响啊。瓦伦，到时间了，来吧。 It has not. Varun, it's time. Come on.
妈蛋！ S***!
妈妈，爸爸！ Mama, Papa!
到时间了 It's time.
死神来了吗？ The grim reaper's here?
死神？不！迪普的生产时间到了 Grim reaper? No! It's time to take Deepu to the hospital.
瓦伦，我的孕妇袋呢？ Varun, where's my maternity bag?
在床下。你把它拖出来！ Under the bed. Drag it out!
靠？你疯了？ What? Are you crazy?
你把它拿出来！快！ You get it out! Fast.
我来了，别闪了腰 I'm coming. Don't bend.
靠，妈蛋！ Oh sh**!
咋了？我的背 What's wrong? My back.
我儿子的鸡鸡突出了 My son's slip-dicks.
不，妈！是椎间盘 No, Ma! My disc.
快点，伙计。我来开车，不要有压力 Come on, guys. I'll drive. Don't stress.
闭嘴，妈妈。你是马路杀手 Shut up, Mom. You're a bad driver.
我也能开车。别闹... I can drive too. Please...
我的手机在哪？ Where's your phone?
开车11分钟能到那里 A cab will take 11 minutes to get here.
密码？还是那个！ Password? It's the same!
瓦伦，快 Varun, come on.
快点，儿子 Hurry up, son.
这是紧急事件 It's an emergency.
快来，嫂子 Coming, sister-in-law.
快点！Hurry up!
开门。快点 Open the door. Hurry up.
妈妈... Mama...
我们带莫妮卡一起。带她的孩子和爸爸去那辆欧拉车 We're taking Monika with us. Bring her child and Papa in an Ola.
侯拉？不是侯拉，叫个欧拉租车！ Hola? Not Hola. Hire an Ola!
侯拉怎么可能在孟买？关门！ How can Hola be in Mumbai? Close the door!
出发！等等！ Let's go. Wait!
给我孕妇袋 Give me the maternity bag.
走哪边？这边 Where to? This way.
瓦伦！过来 Varun! Coming.
嫂子，快点 Sister-in-law, hurry!
瓦伦。瓦伦！ Varun. Varun!
我在这 I'm here.
你刚在哪？换零钱 Where were you? Changing.
尽管这听起来很老土... Though it sounds pretty primitive...
但是女上位是超赞的体位... ...but squatting is an excellent position...
别说废话！ Don't talk rubbish!
你不能给我接生 You will not deliver my child.
乔希医生在哪？她在哪？ Where is Mrs Joshi? Where is she?
她去美国深造了。一年后回来。 She's gone to the US for further studies. She'll be back in a year.
顺便说一下，放松。让我和这两个傻瓜干活 By the way, relax. Let me and these two idiots do our job.
瓦伦，把这该死的东西弄出来。 Varun, get this damn thing out of me.
好的，冷静。快点冷静！ Yes, calm down. Just calm down!
对，很好 Yes, good.
这是眼药水 That's eye drops.
我知道，这是给我的 I know. This is for me.
他正在用眼药水冲洗眼睛。放松，巴特拉女士。我来搞定 He's rinsing his eyes with eyedrops. Relax, Mrs Batra, I got this.
我干过这个。好的，现在请... We've got this. OK, now please...
"啊，圣母，啊，宇宙之父啊 ""O Mother of Life, O Father of the Universe.
医生，这里不是寺庙。把孩子弄出来 Doctor, this is not a temple. Get the kid out.
把孩子弄出来！你在干啥？ Get the kid out! What you doing?
巴特拉女士。这会花点时间 Mrs Batra, please. It takes a bit of time.
我搞得定。相信我。呼吸 I got this. Trust me. Breathe.
小心点！ Careful!
巴特拉先生 Mr Batra.
她准备好见你了 She's ready to see you.
她如此漂亮。她看起来真像瓦伦 She's so pretty. She's just like Varun.
她的眼睛和额头跟瓦伦一模一样 Her eyes and her forehead are just like Varun's.
来！ Come!
进来！Come in.
给我一个家 Get me a home
把它弄得像一个家 Make it feel like home
天啊，这是原型 Oh my God. This is original.
你亲切地呼唤我，我就在这里 You called me lovingly, here I am
我们看起来像很酷的一对 We look like a cool couple
你亲切地呼唤我，我就在这里 You called me lovingly, here I am
我们看起来像很酷的一对 We look like a cool couple
我只需要你的提示 A sign from you is all I need
现在我想与你共度余生 Now I want to spend my life with you
让你所有愿望都变成变成现实 Make all your wishes come true
只要说好的，甜心 Just say yes, sweetheart
给我一个家 Get me a home
我会在昌迪加尔给你一个家 I'll get you a home in Chandigarh
让我在昌迪加尔有个家 Make me a home in Chandigarh
你梦幻的双眸，你旁遮普的衣衫，你要我的心 Your dreamy eyes, your Punjabi clothes, you ask for my heart
向上帝发誓，我会给你任何你想要的东西 I'll get you anything you ask for. Swear to God
我会在你身上花每一个卢比 I'll spend every rupee on you
直到我的钱包空空如也 Empty my wallet
给我一个家 Get me a home
让我在昌迪加尔有个家 I'll get you a home in Chandigarh 个人原创字幕，仅供英文学习，请勿转载或用于商业用途